What better way to start a new year than with healthy activities and tasty treats? I mean look at those melons, tantalizing, tempting, whispering to your inner being about the passion of life. You can almost feel the sweet caress against your moist lips. And that's what life is about -- being vibrant and sensuous.
Trying to remove weight by simply swallowing pills is nothing new. Over a hundred years ago, one of the fads of the day called for ingesting very effective weight loss pills that contained -- tapeworms! And if certain health risks had not prevailed (such as death), they might be on the market today.
I guess if your job consists mainly of skillless tasks such as shouting out commands, belittling lesser level employees, and successfully blaming away your mistakes, then everyone else's job must look just as easy to do. I noticed this ridiculous belief recently when talking with our company's president and a few VPs. Their attitude was that programming is nothing more than writing a few lines of text with incorrect punctuation thrown in for good measure. They wouldn't understand why a complex project takes more than a few hours to do. Hence the directive. Why would you want to hire someone who spent at least four years learning the craft of writing good, effective code? Obviously, if any monkey can be a feces-throwing manager, it's only a step down in being a programmer.
What is it about girls named Allie? I've yet to meet a girl named Ally who has more than 2% body fat. I submit to you Ally McBeal as an example. Is there something in their name that makes them skinnier than the 'L' in their name? 
For the most part, you could say that I am single -- when I come home, I can run around naked, drink milk straight from the carton, belch and fart to my heart's content and not worry that somebody is going to complain. But the one thing that I never experience is boredom. I have so many things that I want to research, learn, sketch, write about and just create that I need more days off from my routine of tending to everybody's needs. I know it's one thing when a child or teenager complains of being bored. But I can't understand how a single man in his 30s can achieve a state of boredom.
So that's what happened. I unexpectedly died and started the entire credit crisis. Like a row of falling dominoes, one company failed to pay out on its "insurance" policy, which caused the next company to not be able to pay out, and so on. Sorry about that. Oh well. The nice thing about being dead is that I don't have to worry about any expenses now ... or buckets.
that there was 29% more Arctic sea ice this year than last.
Maybe some good will come from a President B.O. You know those people that complain how they've been kept down by the Man because of their skin color? And how their life is so terrible because they have a genetic tan and their ancestors were sold into slavery a few centuries ago --- which is kind of funny because they never talk about the part of where their African countrymen sold their relatives to Muslim slave traders who then sold these human wares to other Africans and Europeans. But this will all change after Tuesday. When these self-made victims whine and play the race card, you only have to show them a picture of their beloved president and ask, "So what's your excuse again?"
When I made my debut into the 1959 world of burgeoning innovations, my mother put me in a monstrously huge pram and showed me the sites of her world. Yes, I know that, as a baby, everything seems disproportionately big and then shrinks as you grow older. (In fact, lately I've noticed this shrinkage has been getting worse -- my bank account, my hair, my attention span. I've gotten to where I'm afraid to look at myself naked.) But back when I was a baby, well, if my pram had had a motor, I'm quite confident I could have given NASCAR a run for their money.
On one breathtaking autumn day, I traded the stuffy confines of my house for the Presidential Mountain Range of New Hampshire. My living room became a carpet of off white, golden yellows, deepening reds and dark greens. My walls and ceiling were transforming as a sunset darkened the heavenly blues of the sky and brought forth brilliant streaks of orange and violet in the clouds. My entertainment system had become the orchestrated drama of a life-giving sun slowly reaching down to kiss the twilight of the horizon. I sat in the home theater seating of a majestic mountain side as the thunderous songs of birds and crickets and frogs crescendoed into sudden silence as the last arc of sunlight slipped behind the end of an adventurous day. It was a moment that you want to live repeatedly but can only hope that the fuzzy memories of your mind will let you relive that the unspeakable joy in your spirit always.
Have you ever heard of the TED spread? No, it's nothing pornographic or a reference to one of Congressman Barney Frank's special friends. In the futures trading arena, you monitor the difference between the interest rate on US Treasuries contracts (T-bills) and the London Inter Bank Offered Rate (LIBOR). This gives you an idea of how risky credit is in the general economy. T-bills are the risk-free standard while LIBOR relates to the credit risk of lending to commercial banks. The difference between the two rates is known as the TED spread (T-bills + EuroDollar futures contract). The greater the difference, the greater the belief that bank loans have become a riskier undertaking.
So we've been scrambling to find the latest switch which is made in Italy. Oh sure, we have no problem locating Ferrari parts. After all, almost everyone I know is driving 599 GTB Fiorano. But parts for the Prius seem to be rarer than beef at a vegetarian convention. 
Fortunately, pet owners have not gone completely overboard with undying love for their animal companions. We have yet to see a chic Jeri curl spray for gerbils, holistic hemorrhoid treatments for halibuts (named Eric), or the best acne treatments for hairless cats. But don't be surprised when you do find these items in your local pet shop. 
On one side of the political spectrum, you have a African American and a Catholic. On the other side, you have an advanced AARP member and a Alaskan American woman. It's a battle of the minority groups, folks! So what is a white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant man going to do? I don't know. Not only am I not a W.A.S.P., none of this really applies to me. No matter how hard both parties make this election about looks, family history, genetic tans, and religious beliefs, this process is about deeds -- what these people have and have not done as politicians. That's what really matters and affects me ... and you!
There they are: shiny, perfect $3000 pearls from exotic Tahiti. Yeah, I would love to give this exquisite jewelry to my girlfriend. But she would probably pass out from the shock of receiving such a gift. We can't have that happen. Above all things, I need to watch out for her well being! She has enough trauma in her life. And who am I to cast Tahitian pearls before swoon? So, I must spare her this risk of fainting and forgo buying such breath-taking pearls.
What is the life of a patent, about 20 years? You would think that when Walter Schlage patented a simple key and lock mechanism almost a century ago, the patent would run out and everyone could freely use his invention. But here's how you get around that: take a design, make a minor change to it, you get a new patent. If your business can continue to hire intelligent workers for years to come, you can go several generations and corner the market on your unique idea.
Eons ago (in terms of how fast technology advances. Actually it was this past January.), Sony brought forth upon the gadget-starved world an OLEP (organic light emitting display) television that was as thick as three credit cards. Coincidentally, three credit cards are exactly what you need to max out to purchase this rather expensive piece of electronics whenever it is made available to the public.
