Monday, March 29, 2010

Presdential Order: Walk, Don't Run

Thomas Jefferson once said that walking is the best possible exercise. Of course, he said this during an age before the invention of the treadmill. They had the don't-tread-on-me-mill which was very successful in the States and not so much so in England.

In any case, you could only expect the founder of our country to recommend one of the only three methods of human-powered locomotion available --- the other two being running and rolling. Rolling is reserved for small children and drunks. And running, well, even President Jefferson knew that we are born with a finite number of heartbeats. So why waste those precious beats on moving quicker than you have to. At least, that's my excuse. And if that's good enough for the writer of the constitution ...

Thursday, March 25, 2010

You ask for it and you got it ... right?!!


Not talking about smurfs here

Is it me or does it seem as though all of James Cameron's block busters end with people turning blue?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

writing help

Some people need help putting stories together. Yes, I know how overwhelming grammatical rules can be at times. For example, when do you use a semi-colon and when is too many too many? How do you know if the body of your work is free from wordy excesses? I wish I could recommend an easy-to-use colon and body cleanser for your literary endeavors but your best bet is to read "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White. You probably don't believe it; but I use to; and no longer; wrote like this; here. But that was before I learned to read but after I learned to write. Now, I am the bestest writer ever!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

strange assignments

One of the more confusing assignments has been one on All you will find there is a single post on Benzoyl Peroxide Acne Treatment. What's the point? It is as if someone took the effort to create a one post blog as an experiment. Is it just to measure traffic to the link? Is it to see how much spam comments it can generate? I don't know but I wish the owners luck with this one.

Health Rant #3

I bet I know what the best diet supplements are going to be! Tall, tantalizing ceese cakes! Large chocolate filled donuts covered in an inch of sweet, sweet glaze! Juicy, fat dripping hamburgers! Maybe a carrot stick or two but only in extreme emergencies. After all, insurance can't refuse to pay on conditions caused by your pre-existing obesity. In fact, those evil companies can't limit how much they can pay out to treat your less-than-optimal health. At least, it all tastes good!

Do you have health friends that don't need insurance? Great! They are the ones who get to subsidize your sickly life style. Don't worry. It's not your fault. And as long as you keep voting for politicians who support you, everything will be ok! In fact, I understand there is legislation under way to pay for all of your funeral expenses! Yes, as of today, it is good to be an Amerikan!

(Health Rant #2 is here)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Health care rant #1

Lucky for the House of Representatives, they passed sweeping health care legislation. How else are they going to pay to remove the tons of egg on their collective faces? I'd wish a pox on the faces of our Amerikan representatives but they can already afford the best treatment for acne available ... not that they couldn't before. But maybe I'm being a bit hasty.

Almost three years ago, Massachusetts began their little version of Obama's federal plan. Today, their great social experiment is running into serious financial problems. There's a reason why Boston's Mr. Kennedy was replaced by someone outside of his circle of influence. There's a reason why Obama will be making trips to "sell his new law to a reluctant public" as several news organizations have put it.

Yes, the health care process needs overhauling. But you would think Congress would start by fixing problems that they caused first, not by adding to the mess.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Online storage

I was using Moby and Desktop to back up my data from one computer and access it from another. They both work well and are that great price of free. Desktop has a preset directory that you drop files in for backup and Moby allows you to pick which directories you want backed up. But you're limited to 1 Gigabyte which was substantial at one time. Not any more with video and music files. So I've started using Glide which has 30 Gigabytes of storage with privacy settings and the ability to share files along with a bunch of other online tools. Again for the great price of free!

Monday, March 15, 2010

is it OW-ch or OH-ch?

That fuzzy, great tasting creature chewing the grass in the field is a cow, pronounced c-OW. When dog barks, we claim its sound is bow wow, pronounced b-OW w-OW. Yet, if you take a piece of cloth and put it around your neck, it becomes a bow tie, pronounced b-OH. What changed? What made the OW become OH? If we string bunch of dogs together, do we get bow ties or bow ties?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Coerced Charity

You know that chuck of hard earned money taken every time from your paycheck for Social Security? You would think that all of that money would be going into your own account, earning interest and payable to you in your golden years. But no. Some of your extorted money goes as coerced charity to other people in their golden years. The rest goes into a pot that other government agencies get to pull from. Or at least, they did until this year. That's right! This year, for the first time since the 1980s, Social Security is projected to pay out more in benefits than it collects in taxes — nearly $29 billion more. This means those other goernment agencies will have to get their grubby little fingers out of our retirement program and find new ways to get in your pocket. Hee Hee Hee. I'm just kidding. Those other agencies aren't going to change a single thing about how they get your money ...

Friday, March 12, 2010

motivation behind job searches

More and more, our company has made us feel as though we are simply necessary evils towards their profits. The ensuing pulmit in employee moral has us look towards greener, better managed pastures. At first we focused our job searches to laurinburg area, then the project became "job search raleigh", then "job search north carolina", followed by other states such as "job search philadelphia" which expanded to "job search United States" and now, "job search anywhere but here". Heaven help this company when the economy takes off ...

Fast Food Love

She tore my ticket from the receipt printer slowly, seductively. With a sly wink and the same unhurried motion, this beguiling senior citizen walk away with a deliberate sultry sway of her hips, and begin to complete my fast food order.

My heart pounded with passion. I couldn't help but sigh with longing. As the store manager rushed by me at the pace of an olympic walker, he screeched to a halt upon hearing my romantic tones. "Is anything wrong, sir?" he asked. "No, nothing at all," I cooed. Pointing at the aging angel, I murmured "I think she likes me! If she moves any slower, I may faint!" He glanced at his worker and said, "Sir, she moves that way because she arthritic." "But she winked at me!" I protested. He put a brotherly arm on my shoulders. "That's not a wink. She has a twitch from her medication. And she partially blind," he calmly informed me.

After that, it was a very unhappy happy meal as I salted the fries with my tears ....

Monday, March 08, 2010

geeks don't age, they just become nerder

As the baby boomers get older, the news media keeps harping on how technologically backwards these aging folks are becoming. "The kids of today are forcing senior citizens to become drooling idiots who can barely operate a light switch." Hockey sticks and double hockey sticks! The media seems to have forgotten that one special segment of the Boomer generation -- the nerds. There is a reason why our own kind called us geeks (and other things that I won't share here).

Case in point. My daughter was having a little problem with her PSP. (I'm using acronyms of today from here on out to "keep it real.") Once I figured how to get the WiFi connected, I d/l the latest patches, reconfigured the OS and, Ta-Da (old school acronym "I be jammin' now"), everythin' was solid. Now, I've got some tight music (Jazz Fusion) and audio books on the PSP so my games be jumpin'. The only problem is not enough micro sd RAM. But that's ok. I don't wanna pwn the kiddies too badly. Just enough to scare 'em. Holla!

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Free me

I'm being bombarded by "free this" and "free that", "buy one and get one free", "free buttons with every shirt purchased!" Yeah, some things are redundantly stupid. Take the advertisement of "free insurance quotes". Why did these quotes get captured in the first place? And why would anyone pay for a quote? Well, maybe if you've recently talked with the sales guy of the year who just sold a Ben and Jerry's ice cream franchise to a nice couple in Alaska. Not only did my quote cost me less than the franchise, but apparently I'm the only one in Fair Banks, Alaska who enjoys ice cream. More for me ... But if you can stop by for a visit, I'll throw in a free cone with your purchase. I've got millions of 'em and winter isn't ending any time soon.