Wednesday, September 28, 2011

say what?

I've been using Dragon Naturally Speaking as a great method of generating correspondence, notes, and my blog posts. However, I think that I might have been using it too much lately. I caught myself ending a conversation with a friend with the words "close parentheses period". Of course, saying "L O L" didn't help either.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Look! Up in the Sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a ... ouch!

You can track the crash-and-burn of a mult-million dollar UARS satellite (a name that sounds like an insult yelled by someone with a british accent) at

Just remember: duck at the right time and have your lawyer on speed-dial.

UPDATE: So now the above link is a dead one, presumably along with the satellite. It made a fiery plunge to the earth a few hours ago, but no one knows where any of flaming metal landed. At least, no one at NORAD (who can track baseball sized objects) is saying.

However, a Parisian amateur astronomer, Thierry Legault, did capture the slow spinning of the space craft. "The satellite appears to be tumbling, perhaps because a collision with satellite debris a few years ago," Legault told

Monday, September 19, 2011

Arrrrrr! Or, what comes after Q and before S?

Yes, you probably already know this. Today is "Talk like a Pirate" Day. Well, shiver me knotty timbers, I've got wood from all of the excitement of trying to imitate yester-year's heros (or boat-jacking thugs, depending upon which side of the scimitar you were on). It's gotten to be such a popular event that I expected Apple to release yet another award-winning device today --- the iPatch. Arrrrrrrrr .....

Friday, September 16, 2011

get rich quick ... just not you

Here's a gem from the great humorist mind of Michael Ramirez:

I want to point out a flaw in comparing Social Security to a ponzi scheme. Many forget this important distinction between the two. In a ponzi scheme, you give up your hard-earned money to a fraud voluntarily ...

Sunday, September 11, 2011

careful what you suggest

Today, I read and saw such an emotional outpouring on TV and the Internet.  Did people express this much sentiment on December 7th, 1951?   I don't know.  I do know that when you gather the family around the game table tonight, you probably don't want to suggest that they play Jenga.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

have you ever seen ...

The days have begun their fall-time descent into coolness. Sadly, we must now say good-bye to all of those lovely tattoos prominently displayed on the lower backs of our summer-time beauties.

I enjoyed watching the gallery of interesting artwork as it seductively paraded by. Each exotic graphic enticingly shown by women whose pant's belt height won out over any sense of modesty.

In spite of these numerous tattoos, I have yet to see the ultimate tramp stamp - a portrait of Charlie Chaplin, gleefully grinning from his envious perch just above that shapely behind.

Friday, September 09, 2011

surprise ...

Is there anything worse than finding out your boss has changed your work requirements five minutes before quitting time on Friday? When I logged in tonight after a long grueling day of two jobs, I discovered a new assignment … due tonight!

I have no idea if auto collision estimating software will meet the needs of any of my readers. So, give the site a shot. Let me know what it does for you. I'll post the results here.

Adopt, adapt, and improve. Sometimes there are circumstances you can only go with the flow on and hope for the best.

our gracious overlords know what's best for us

I read one of those silly conspiratorial reports that the government has been putting fluoride in our water to make us complacent. I don't know why but I don't care.

as if I could give a sheet

Apparently, the expression "three sheets to the wind" has naval origins. When the wind pushed on two sheets attached to the mast of a boat, the seaworthy craft will move forward in a relatively stable manner. Three sheets, however, move the boat in an erratic fashion, similar to a sailor who had one too many delicious mai tais.

Since the trappings of a rich neighborhood are on one side of me and the not-so-wealthy residents border the other side, I get to see extremes. When a wealthy resident staggers home through our neck of the woods, their windy three sheets are of yves delorme quality. You can tell this when they trip over a blade of grass. Our inebriated friends awkwardly kiss the ground while gracefully extending their pinky finger to the sky.

My economically challenged neighbors will be more of a Wal-mart quality sheets to the wind. They will trip over that same blade of grass.  While mother Earth rudely impedes their progress to the center of the planet, they extending a different finger than the pinky. For some reason, this finger is associated with birdlike qualities. I can only assume is that it is because it gives our feathered friends a place to perch in the early hours of a new day.

I just want you to know that I do give a sheet. Still, my blanket apologies to anyone who might be offended.

I think my congressman cares

After the President's speech last night, I received an e-mail from my congressman. The subject line was:
Subject: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: The Buck

I'm sure he has my interests at heart, but I still have this uneasy feeling ....

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

gambling on less stress

Some dangerous signs of extreme stress in men are depression and racing thoughts. This might explain my recent obsession with low places and NASCAR. If my favorite driver (that is, the one I'm betting on to win a particular race) takes a lengthy pit stop just when he's about to win, that would be my heart attack in the making.

At one time, I thought it would be helpful for me to track my money, I mean, my favorite driver at each lap. I would use my cell phone as a barcode scanner and point it at the car's barcode each time it whizzed by me. My phone did a great job. It accurately showed how fast I was losing my bets. So I gave up my cell phone to stop my losing streak.

Please understand, I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to standing next to an oval shaped roadway along with thousands of screaming, drunk people. Or, as I like to call them, my support group.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

downside to adapt, adopt, and improving

Sometimes you have to bury your true self deep within so that you can survive the impossible moment, or the ridiculous job, or that unnecessarily complicated relationship. It's not that you want to lie to your nature and yourself. Sometimes, you just have to do what is needed to keep the peace and make it through an unbearable situation with as little damage to everyone as possible.

This doesn't mean you have to stay hidden. With your depressed thoughts and dark emotions cloaked in an outward appearance of happiness and joy, you can plan. You can bid your time. You can survive. All you have to do is endure ...

a tablet is not a miniature table

If there ever was an award for the biggest sales tease, it would have to go to HP and their tablets. A couple of weeks ago, HP announced they were going out of the tablet business and heavily discounted their $500 iPad-like device for $140. Within a matter of a few hours, stores around the world told the consumer masses, "Sorry, we ran out." These are the times I really hate the speed of information flow on the Internet.

Yes, I know. There are other systems out there like the Asus Tablet Canada but no one is selling at the low, low, HP marketing madness price.

Of course, there is my favorite --- the stone tablet, as long as you don't take that for granite either.