Saturday, November 29, 2014

I caused global warming this winter. You're welcome.

Finally set up my drum kit and tried to play. I was able to raise the room temperature from 52 to 65 degrees (F) in an hour.

This means one thing: an army of me and 10 other uncoordinated drummers could raise havoc in a meat freezer. ‪#‎drum_sticks_as_weapons_of_massive_meat_destruction‬

And so ... since the 1970's, there has been a thousand percent increase in drummers. Hence, global warming ... based on my made-up statistics. All I need is a couple of million dollars in research grants to prove this complete true "fact". Won't you help me?

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Stop worrying about the enviroment and your weight.

Worried about not dieting enough? Don't. Your fat cells are built on carbon molecules. When people mention your weight gain, just tell them you're doing your part to save the planet - reducing your carbon print by expanding your butt print.

Worried about getting pregnant? Don't be. You're not having more children. You're simply building a generation of carbon sponges. Yes, financial sponges as well but cute ones nonetheless.

Well, yours are.

Just sayin'.

Monday, November 03, 2014

How to get things done.

Ah, fall-time and gardening - proof that if you put something off long enough, it's becomes too late to care.

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Let me just thank you right now.

Yay! With November, we gain yet more speed for that wonderful collision into the holiday season. A time when families travel vast distances to see each other and create new memories.

When an auntie will look downward at her wee nephew and say, "Oh, Ernie, you've grown so much since the last time I saw you."

And little Ernie will look up to his mom's sister and say, "Oh, Aunt Sally, you've grown so much since the last time I saw you."

It's those moments you need to capture and post for the rest of us. Thanks!

I will not be denied ... just delayed.

Lately I've been craving taste and texture of a soft-boiled egg relaxing on a piece of buttered bread.

Actually this craving has been over the last decade or so. But my hunger has been continually thwarted by little things like knowledge, time, eggs, and that most important piece of equipment - an egg cup.

This morning, as if to taunt me further, the Universe showed an info-mercial on cooking the perfect soft boiled egg with a magically egg-cooker thingy (only 5 easy payments of $99.99 and one really difficult payment involving your kidneys).

But the joke was on the Universe.  Today, I finally had the time, the eggs, and - with a little help from YouTube - the knowledge.

But no egg cup.

You think this trivial detail stopped me?  Much of my life seems to have been spent using the motto: "Adopt, adapt, and improve".  The elusive soft-boiled egg was to be mine! 

I searched everything I owed to improvise an egg cup.  It had to been sized between the bleach bottle cap and an old bed pan.  The rodent glue trap would do an excellent job of holding, but a poor job as a plate to catch the runny yolk.  There is a limit to how sticky a soft-boiled egg can be.  Although,  if you're hunger enough ..

Just as I started giving serious thought to picking off the dead bugs from the glue trap, there it was!  Hidden in the back of the dusty recesses of the uppermost kitchen cabinet - a Jagermeister shot glass. Well, more metal than glass.

But would this all work with this all come together and satisfy my hunger? Would my cravings finally be satisfied?

Oh yeah, baby!

As you can see, this antlered utensil held a jumbo egg perfectly. And the online cooking instructions helped me create the ultimate creamy yolk-filled soft boiled egg.

For a change, life is good!

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Where did you all come from? What's going on?

Today I signed in for the first time in 6 months. Can someone tell me what happened in September? The views of my posts have gone from 30 to 60 visitors to a range of 400 to 500.

Where did all you people come from? I made my last post here in May because, well, I was discouraged. I was getting reactions with my entries on Facebook and Twitter. Here in Bloggerland, the only visitors seemed to be spam bots and Russian blog hijackers.

So, again, where did you people come from? What brought you here?

All righty then. You've forced me to come up with new posts You need a reason to continue returning, yes?