Friday, June 30, 2006



So here I am dead in the water. But at this point I’m thinking that I could have prevented this moment. Regardless, I got up this morning, thinking it was later than it really was. Reality set in when I realized that was up early than I thought. Good thing! I could get a lot done if I got into work earlier than usual. So I jumped into my car and excitedly turned the key in the ignition. The chattering noise from the engine wasn't the lively greeting that I expected to hear.

:: sigh :: I don’t know why but lately every inconvenience or minor nuisance makes me feel so overwhelmed. Have you ever felt panicky terror that grips your thoughts and you're unable to move or think? It’s though my life is on the line the line at the very moment and I don't have the right answer. Is it because I am getting older quarter is it just a stress of the last ten years catching up with me?

Any way, here I am now, unparalyzed and waiting for the tow truck to arrive. Now that the paralysis has passed, I was able to check the battery. Right now, all I need is a jump and a new battery --- I think. Two weeks ago when this happened, I thought it was a case of vapor lock because after 40 minutes I was able to start the car. Once the car was running, I checked the electrical system and all was fine. I thought about how the battery was almost five years old. Stupid me put it on my mental list of things to do --- which has become as useful as tying a string around my finger and forgetting why. Oh well, here's the tow truck now.

Post note: Yep! It was the battery. I could have prevented a lot of aggravation had I replaced it. How much more frustration could I avoid by remembering to do things that I need to do!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

comic last standing

On tonight's show of "Last Comic Standing", each comic was given a magazine and had to come out with jokes based on that magazine. If I were on the show, here’s my response:

For the magazine “Yarn”, I could probably make some catchy jokes if I were a knit wit. But I don’t want to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. In fact, I feel sheepish be even talking about this.

The magazine “Farm Gardening” was so interesting that it got me excited about watching grass grow. However, I was disappointed with an article about prostitution at Christmas. It was entitled “Hoe, Hoe, Hoe.”

I thought that the magazine “Weapons of Death” about my ex’s cooking. I was wrong. So I started to read "Latina Wedding", but realized that it was a reprint of “Weapons of Death”.

At first, I thought that the magazine “ssCat” was about jazz. But I found out that it was about the care and feeding of pussy … cats. Boy, was I disappointed!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

thoughts on my son's visit

Well, I have returned my youngest son back to his other home. We had a good time while we were together here. But he seems to have a cap on himself as to what he can enjoy and what he can’t. When asked if he’d like to come back again he said, "Yeah maybe". When asked if he wanted to go back, he said, "Yes I have to take care of my chores."

I spoke with my daughter about his conversations with himself. She said that they have been working with him to try and stop him. I need talk to my ex and see if we need to get some counseling for him. I saw his last report card where he has failed science and language arts, his first two classes of the day. In the comments section, the teacher had written that he is often sleepy and unable to concentrate. My daughter said that she had gotten him to bed early and made sure that he was asleep. But think a lot of it has to do with his diet and his size. At this moment, he is as tall as I am but is also 50 pounds heavier.

I put his school picture up on the wall with the pages of my other children. I have it next to the picture that I took of him when he was five. In that picture he has a smile an excitement in his eyes. In his school picture, his smile is forced, his eyes have a look of someone who’s not sure of his surroundings. What am I going to do????

Monday, June 19, 2006

my son is here


For almost three years, I would leave right after work on Friday and travel 300 miles to be with my children for the weekend. Sunday afternoon would find me back on the road returning to my other home. The hardest part of the journey was saying good bye to my children, especially my youngest son who didn't understand why I had to leave. One time, he clenched his hands together, got on his knees and pleaded for me to stay. My heart broke through that entire trip. If I could have found a job that would support my family, I would probably be there today. But that didn't happen and the woman that I had pledged my life to did nothing to help the situation.

Anyway, four years ago, those trips became every other month as I struggled through the divorce. Nightly phone calls to my children helped but they can't replace being there. Yesterday, I picked up my youngest (who is now 14) and brought him 300 miles to be with me this week. Hopefully to build what I couldn't when we were apart. This trip turned out to be the beginning of an adventure.

My ex has decided to be a trucker, which is fine. I'm glad that she is FINALLY working instead of being a moocher. The downside is that she has passed my youngest son onto my oldest, my daughter, my pride and joy. But she shouldn't have to play mother. And she shouldn't have had to put up with what I found upon my arrival yesterday. I discovered that the water pump to the pitiful trailer that they are renting from my ex-brother-in-law had died a few days ago. So they have been filling buckets of water from another trailer to use. This is no situation for my youngest to be in. So, instead of spending the night so that I could be with my other two children, he and I left and arrived here at two this morning. At 6 AM, he was up, excited about being here. And now, the lack of sleep has drained us both. He is finally asleep and I shall follow shortly.

Observing some of his mannerisms today has me worried. In one case, he frequently talks to himself in a low mumble. Often it seems as though he is answering questions. When I ask him what he said, he replies, "Nothing." We talked about it a little bit and he realizes that he does it. He says that he is alone a lot and feels lonely and talking aloud makes him feel better. I can understand that. Since I'm alone a lot, I've found myself carrying on conversations half aloud. Perhaps I have a defect and I've passed on to him.

The other thing that I noticed today is how he carries on two conversations with neighbors that we met. When he was very young, he was very friendly and outgoing. He had no problem walking up to strangers and starting conversations even though his speech wasn't very clear. His enunciation still isn't good. But his replies people are almost too quick in answering and his tone could be mistaken as accusatory and rude. I don't know. More to follow about this week...

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Father's Day

Had my father been alive today, we would have celebrated his 74th birthday. But since he died at the ripe age of 57, all I can do is think about what might have transpired between the two of us. Yes, I have a lot of regrets now. During my high school years, he would come home after a long day and I would hear my mother or my sisters say, “ Dad’s home!” The idiot that I was would remain in my room and wouldn’t see him until supper. I didn’t realize how will important it is to have your children acknowledge your existence, that is until they didn’t say “happy father’s day” or “happy birthday”.

My girlfriend surprised me today. She woke me up with fresh coffee and breakfast from McDonald’s. I now realize that the she bought the meal with money that I gave her for gas so that she could come and visit me. Still, it’s the thought and the effort that touched me. Shortly after our breakfast, she returned to her home to celebrate father stayed with her dad. And I headed out to pick up my youngest and spend some time with my children. Only my oldest son mentioned anything about father’s day. Of course, only a really good father can have permission to feel hurt by his other children’s forgetfulness.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Pizza dough for humor

Have you ever seen old pizza dough? Today at work, I watched what happens as a tray of dough reaches the end of its shelf life. Image a nine inch patty of dough that used to be white, now grayish and growing tumorous-looking bubbles. There it is, sitting, waiting to be made into a pizza. Yum! I ask my manager if I should throw it out. Touting the Domino’s policy, she said, “No, they need to be saved.” Saved? I could only say, “Well, you can take it to church but I don’t think that that will do it any good.” Then I pointed my finger at the dough and asked sternly, “Have you accepted Jesus as your lord and savior? Yes, I know YOU are risen but that’s not the same.” I turned to my manager who was now looking at me with open mouth look of astonishment. “We could baptize it if you’d like,” I said, “but I think we’re dealing with heathen!”

Now I’ve only worked with this manager a few days over the past couple of weeks. She thinks that I’m a quiet, hard-working kind of guy. But being an introvert has its advantages, especially when you say and act completely unexpected. And then you get to sit back and watch them connect the dots of the joke in their mind. Some do it slower than others. I think that they aren’t completely sure if I’m serious or joking. When they realize that it is a joke, their face lights up with such sheer joy that it is a wonder to watch. After hearing about all of her frustrations from that week, her laughter was rewarding. I like it when I can be a pleasant change of pace.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

blog by speech to text

The way things have gone these past couple of days it is no wonder that people believe in superstition. I received a letter from the IRS. Not the one with the $24,000 check that they owe me. No, it's a bill for $5,000. This is after my car has started making an intermittant metallic buzzing noise. Not a good sound... Today I was such a klutz, tripping up the stairs and falling all over myself. There was something else but I can’t recall at the moment. All I want right now is to sleep. I better stop this posting before it becomes a whining session. Oops, too late. So I’ll leave this as it is for now and get to bed. I see that my girlfriend has signed on but I don’t want to hear any of her drama at the moment.

Ok, I need to write about one good event. OH! I dictated this posting into my blog. Surprisingly, it only needed a few corrections. This method of blogging could be promising!