Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Best Job In America

Here it is, summer time in America and people's thought have turned to politics. Some have half a mind to run for public office and, fortunate for them, that's all it takes. Unlike some productive ventures (like starting a business), getting into a political franchise means you can raise money and pay it back in nothing but promises (or pay back nothing if you're a seasoned pro). To get elected takes hard work, kind of like creating a dog-and-pony show -- lots of flash and noise and cute animals while not really doing anything.

To succeed, make sure you loudly promote noble causes that you would never personally pay for. After all, you'll have access to everyone else's money once you're elected. Make sure to appeal to misplaced sense of social justice and promise all sorts of regulatory laws. Again, don't worry. As an public official, such ill convinced legislation doesn't apply to you. For example, you are immune from sexual discrimination claims and hiring quotas.

As you can see, a few months of baby kissing and generating enough hot air on the campaign trail to contribute to global warming can get you into the best job in America. Not only that but what other job gives you the potential to retire after only five years of service? Is America a great country or what?!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Bathroom Cam

There's talk at work of cameras being put into the men's bathroom to make sure we're not goofing off. Some one with too much power and too much time on their hands thinks that there are too many trips being taken during the work day to the bathroom. But what do they expect? 50 guys, unlimited coffee, and only one bathroom with two stalls.

Often, it's like being part of a poker game. One man will walk in, see several of his workmates with crossed legs waiting their turn. He make the usual comment, "Look's like a full house!" Some one else will respond with, "If you wait, there'll be a straight flush!" If Randy, our openly gay worker, is in there, he'll add, "Oh no! It's goin' to be a royal flush!" He's such a queen. Then everyone will laugh and life goes on.

With cameras in the facility, I don't know what video cards game will be played now. There's talk of a "how many ways can you accidentally moon the camera?" contest. I think the winner gets a new job some where else.

Friday, June 13, 2008

How To Tell If Your Friends Respond To Spam E-mails

Here we are in the 21st century and we're still getting spam e-mails about magic lotions that will enlarge certain parts of your anatomy and weight-loss creams that will shrink other parts of your body. Does anybody ever reply to these e-mails? You would think that people would ignore this spam because the products might not work. I think people wouldn't respond to these e-mails on the possibility that these products would work! In the case of the lotions of enlargement, wouldn't your friends be a little suspicious when one of your hands become twice the size of a normal hand? For those using a weight loss cream, you would know as soon as you reached out to and shook their Barbie-doll sized hand...

Monday, June 02, 2008

Livin' Cheap

In my last post, I entertained the possibility of having to live in the back lot of my work place. It wouldn't be too bad. There is a shower room in the plant and the break room has a refrigerator and a microwave. I would have to be outside by 6 in the evening when the building is locked up for the night. Not a problem since I would have another small cardboard box and an overturned pail for my patio furniture / dining room. The evening would be spent viewing hi-def reality until it was time for bed. In the morning, it's a 2 second commute to work, assuming some snail hasn't jackknifed in the path and tied up traffic leading to the entrance way. Otherwise, a new, inexpensive day begins.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Giving My 2 Cents For A Penny

What better way to spend a sunny weekend than wrestling with the budgetary incomes and out-goes of my life. I can certainly think of several better ways. But I've been putting off this task long enough. The bad news is that, if my financial situation doesn't improve soon, I may find myself living in a heavy-duty cardboard box, in the back lot behind where I work. The good news is I know are where to find several of those heavy-duty cardboard boxes.

I don't want to think of myself as poor. And it would very self-defeating to think of myself as needy. To call myself underprivileged would really be over the top. Perhaps I could toot that I'm not completely destitute. And even though I don't seem to have any apparent advantages to work with, I am slightly better than disadvantaged. Whatever you want to call my situation, the money just isn't there. Although my vocabulary seems rather rich. Anyone got change for word?