Another Nail in the Business Coffin, Another Straw on the Camel's Back

Yesterday's managers meeting was long and arduous. The highlight came as my boss and the CFO announced the new sick leave policy for us salaried folk. Before, if we had a dental appointment or the like, we knew it would be made up by all of the unpaid time that we worked. Now, that hour spent with the dear ol' doc is to be paid by deducting 4 hours out of our yearly allowance of 24 sick leave hours.

Ok, I understand that the powers-that-be want a policy in place to use against abusers of the system --- of which there are none. Still, it was the comments that our overlords made during the Q&A session. Since we are salaried, not only are we expected to put 8 hours a day but, if the work load demands 18 hours a day, then so be it --- with no compensation.

The quality manager brought up how we often don't take all of our vacation time because of the demands of work. At year's end, we lose that time. Our benevolent Overlords respond with what amounts to be "too bad."

Some of us come at 7 am to take advantage of the calm before the work load hits the fan at 8 am and leave no earlier than 4 pm. But NO! Such effective work practices are no longer allowed. Everyone is to adhere to an 8 to 5 schedule!

Sometimes I wonder how happy management would be if we had enthusiastically smiling cardboard displays of ourselves in our dim cubicles -- obediently silent and at our desks 24 hours a day. Who cares if work gets done! It's all about attitude and not being out of the plant.

Anyway, our morale takes yet another dip, the overburden camel takes the burden of yet another ridiculous straw, the business coffin gets another nail -- when the economy turns around and jobs begin popping up like wild flowers in the spring, will there be any questions about the mass exodus from our company?

Dogs vs Cats

As I worked at my computer, I learned an important lesson today on the differences between dogs and cats. A dog will lay besides you as you work, a cat will lay on your work -- so much for that report. I can't wait until we get my daughter's cat neutered and declawed. I will have no problem living with a furry pillow that does nothing else but eat and sleep.

Diet and Exercise

I've been thinking about expanding my writing exercises to include things like diet pill reviews. Not your ordinary type of reviews. After all, who am I to arouse your false hopes --- that's what the first four hours of a diet are for. My posts would less productive, such as "This colorful little pill goes well with rich brown gravy and a large cut of beef." Or, "This little number should be served with a fine red wine ... several glasses, in fact." Or even, "This tasty tablet will perfectly complement a balance meal, provided that balance meal is a turkey drumstick in each hand."

I don't know when I'll start with these little diddies. Hopefully, the weight won't be too long ...

Bore Me ... Please

All-righty then, may I have a round of applause from everyone who hates clapping? I thought so. Lately, my days seem to be filled with contradictions and hypocrisies. Like those employers who preach how government should rewarding good businesses while those same employers deny their workers the rewards of their hard work. Like restaurants demanding your satisfaction for a $100 meal of a 1 ounce steak. Like companies promoting benefits of a product such as ephedra sinica while it's no longer available. But I guess without such constant brain-jarring events in our daily lives, life would be boring. You know, boring can be nice at times ....

Under-Size Me

Have you watched the movie "Super Size Me"? It about one man who not only eats McDonald's food for a month but gorges himself on it. At the end of the movie, he's overweight, experiencing chest pains and bad health. Gee, I wonder why.

I'm waiting for part 2, "Under Size Me". In this equally idiotic sequel, our brainless filmmaker consumes vast quantities of appetite suppressants for a month. At the end of the movie, he and his absurdities have either disappear or he becomes a super model because of his bizarre twiggy beauty that some models have --- one of the train wreck appearances that you can't stop looking at. Anyway, I'll wait for the movie to come out on DVD ... the paper thin version.

New Milestone of Life

The talk of marriage between my girlfriend of 6 years and myself has progressed to an intense level lately. One of the main questions we are contemplating is whether we need to start looking at Wilmington NC real estate or move things to my location. It's not like it is just a simple union of her life and mine. We both have children in school and other obligations. I wish things would be easier ... but what would be the fun in that?

Adding to the Fun Called "Life"

On top of the increased time-demanding adventures of work and the addition of my daughter and my future son-in-law into my home, I have began talking with my girlfriend of almost 7 years, the possibilities of intertwining our lives in marriage. Just talk right now. No surprising her with engagement rings, just talk.

From my understanding of women, just talking is like dangling the possibility of winning the lottery in front of someone. Fortunately, I am dating a very patient and understanding woman. I know she would say 'yes' in an instant. For my part, I have to admit that I've been practicing at drive-through's -- when they ask "Do you want fries with that?" I emphatically answer, "I DO!" Still, the union of our two very complicated lives will definitely take a very coordinated effort. Amazingly enough, she is the only woman I know that I could pull off such a feat with .... :)

Peering Into Friends

My friend seemed rather nervous and upset yesterday as we talked during our break. It turned out that she is having a colonoscopy and an esophagogastroduodenoscopy on Monday. I couldn't help but ask if she was going to have two doctors at each end of her, trying to meet somewhere in her middle with their cameras. "What are they going to do?" I asked kidding around. "Wave at each other and say 'I see you' ?" That seemed to make her feel better. Then she talked about the industrial-strength colon cleaner outer that she had to take starting on Sunday. The way she described the medicine, it wasn't anything like a wimpy, over-the-counter Colonix. The stuff she had to take would strip the built-up grime off of old engines. So I suggested that she go sky diving naked afterwards. She could open her mouth really wide and become a human whistle. For some reason, that made her feel even better.

posting

It is amazing how time flies when your job gets a stranglehold on your life. Yes, I should be happy that I'm not among the ranks of the unemployed. But I think my company is taking advantage of that fact.

So it has difficult to get some post into the blog-sphere. On the plus side, it has been a while since I mentioned weight loss pills. DARN IT! There goes that winning streak ...

Instrumental Learnings

I've learned to play several instruments as the years have gone past. Well, perhaps "play" isn't the exact word we should use. I've been beaten up by more than one drum set. Guitars seem to exist simply to string me along. And I only had play piano once in order for Steinway himself would actually appear and rub his name off of the instrument. But, like they say, practice makes perfect ... reminders why some people shouldn't play.

Tryin' to Blog again

Almost eight weeks of constant work with no days off has taken its toll. On here, I've found it difficult to complete any blogs post. The last was meant to be for Easter. "Three days ago, on Friday, I put the Pillsbury dough boy in the oven. I am happy to report that he has risen." I tried explaining that joke to my Hindu friend from India. But that was like trying to explain nuphedra reviews to the Amish.

My mind is mush and the day is only just beginning. :: sigh :: These posts aren't much better. Let's see what the future brings...

What are we thinking?

What is it that makes us accept hype as gossip and follow the herd into bitter disappointment. For example, a little while ago atro phex was all the rage as an incredible weight-management, energy pill. People bought in droves until reports that energetic weight loss was really rapid sprints to the bathroom for intense bouts of colon cleansing. Since atro phex is not the first bad diet pill, you would think people would know better by now. But no. First the bitter consequences, followed by "What was I thinking?!"

Same goes with recent government intervention against those evil business people. Sounds great! Down with the evil doers! Just forget the past and don't look behind the curtain of history at the root of some of business' evil practices. That's when little items like the following to will make you say, "What are we thinking?"

Howie do it

When I first saw Howie Mandel, he was doing hilarious stand-up comedy. Then he had a great cartoon show that my children and I would watch on Saturday mornings. The past of couple years has found him doing an intense game show and a hidden camera show. And now he has moved into creating some humorous Sales ads on Youtube for Buy.com. They're the kind you would hope to see during Superbowl halftime. Although, judging from the content of some of the videos, you certainly won't see them on regular TV. Someone would have gotten their pants in bunch over a few of the cheekier innuendos. Thank goodness for the Internet.

I don't know what is next for Mr. Mandel. A podcast or two, a Facebook presence, wouldn't surprise me. But I'm looking forward to a few more entertaining videos.

Goods news at work.

After three years of no pay raises, my company is finally going to give the hourly workers a 5 cent per hour increase! You can imagine the joyful effect this will have on not quite fifty people. Management's momentous decision can only be possible because they helped ten other hourly employees avoid the anxiety of moving into a higher tax bracket ... by firing them. (If you're keeping score, that would be "Yearly Increase of Payroll": $7,500 to "Yearly Decrease to Payroll": $270,000. Company wins! Yay Team!)

With these continuing changes in the company, resumes and letter of recommendation are becoming required items of safety equipment as we work to protect our lives, limbs and bank accounts.

Rich And Thin

Someone once said you can never be too rich or too thin (perhaps a quote by an Ethiopian millionaire). While this may explain the surplus of supermodels, it may also explain the mindset of a lot of people that I work around. They tend to be rich in patience and good cheer, and anorexically thin in any undesirable qualities.

Someone also once said that you tend to become like the people you hang around. Perhaps I'm not hanging around them enough. Or maybe I just need to hang around the guy that keeps coming up with quotable sayings.

Things Change When You Get Older

I'm 50. My body just isn't what it used to be. Today I realized that a tremendous sex drive means only that my girlfriend lives 130 miles away ...

What Do You Buy For a SuperStar?

Sometimes I find myself thinking about questions that have ethical dilemmas. Just the other day, I found myself wondering about all of these professional athletes who are earning millions of dollars for being able to play with a ball or a stick. When it comes time for Christmas or their birthdays, what sort of presents do their friends and family buy them? Would it be an insult to spend the few measly dollars that you have on sports gifts for these overpaid entertainers? Would it be like buying a set of Wal-Mart's specially priced knives to give a world-class chef?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't pick on our highly paid athletes. But it's not like a multimillion dollar superstar is going to read this. They do know how to read, right?

Big Words From Such a Little Mind

Have you ever been around people who tend to make things sound much more complicated than they really are? It's as if they have a compelling need to take a simple term and turn it into a poly syllabic phrase. I have one such friend who suffers from this affliction. Actually, he has the affliction, the rest of us suffer.

He works as an exterminator. Instead of saying that you step on a bug to kill it, he refers to the action as applying "spontaneous compression" so that the bug dies from "vertical planar syndrome". The other day, he had an assignment at the Campbell Soup factory down the road. You can imagine how all the dried grains and vegetables tend to attract an insect or two. Instead of telling me that he was putting Indian meal moth traps around the plant, he said he was installing "Native-American-dinner-butterfly hunting gear". I guess he thought this was funny because most of the workers at factory claim lineage to Lumbee tribe. I'm thinking that if he tells any of them what he is installing, he is soon to be informed of how "factually unencumbered" and "non-cerebrally gifted" he is. No doubt the more expressive members of the group are sure to help him become "metabolically inactive". All I can say is that he just bugs me...

What Housing Problem?

You wouldn't know that there is a economic problem with housing in my area. With military bases being consolidated into Fort Bragg, construction around here has been busier than beavers working on their version of the Hoover dam. Not only are there more houses and condos (and a lot less trees and open fields) but I'm beginning to see a proliferation of extended stay hotels. You can't miss them with their truck-sized TV screen atop a 20 foot pole and blindingly blaring their latest rental special. "One bedroom apartment with kitchen and living room for $199 a week" I hope that includes a bathroom or at least a very large bucket. The price is better than a hotel stay but it still seems rather expensive. I just wish that those TV screens would show other channels.

Children Are Not Pawns in Divorce

Last week's vacation went relatively well. My daughter and her fiancé and I had a great time together. The only disturbing part was when my ex violated our divorce decree and hid my 16 year old son in another state so that we couldn't speak with each other. When I returned my daughter and future son-in-law back to their home this past weekend, there was my ex --- all smiling and of good cheer like the person of ill repute that she is. My son was upset because of our missed time together. When he and I were finally alone with each other, he confided that he wants to move away from her more than ever. Sadly, he doesn't think he could handle his mother's drama while waiting for the courts allowed his move. At this point, he seriously considering waiting out the next 13 months until he was 18 and then able to escape to my home. I can only support him in whatever way he needs me to.

What my ex doesn't seem to get is that she has now completely lost the respect of her children. What little love for her that they have left is being further whittled away by her continued selfish actions. I hope she realizes this soon and it torments her for the rest of her life.