Sunday, August 23, 2009

Commercial Mixin'

AT&T keeps advertising how great their rollover minutes option is. What happens if you put your dog on the plan?

This all started when I watched a Purina dog food commercial that followed an AT&T cell phone ad. I wondered what would happen if you put your dog on your cell phone plan. Would he sniff the phone to check his pee-mail? Would AT&T allow unlimited bark messages? If you had a two year contact and the dog ran away never to be seen again, could you complain about your dog-gone phone plan? And then the rollover minutes came to mind ...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Good Old Days

Yeah, yeah, everyone goes on about how great it is to live in these modern times. But what did they do in the olden days that was so bad? For example, they didn't have the best wrinkle creams but they did have the rack. A couple of good stretches and those wrinkles were gone. Diet pills? When you're having to graze next to old Bessie, dieting was the least of your worries. What about mindless hours spent playing video games? Back then, they didn't have to simulate the fun of being chased by villains and evil monsters. People got to do it for real! Watch out there, Grandma, there's no reset!

Yeah, the good old days were great ... unless you had to live during them.

How Tell If You're Getting Old

There are a few signs I've been noticing that we can use to tell if you (certainly, not me) are getting older than you care to admit. For example, you stop your acne treatments and begin anti-wrinkle ones. Your body begins to get shorter and your stories get longer. You suck in your gut and your ankles swell. Not that any of this is happening to me. Oh no. Just making some observations ...

Monday, August 17, 2009

Business in the Automotive world

My company is tightly tied to the automotive industry. When the recession hit in November of last year, it didn't just slap my company silly, it body-slammed us through the economic mat! But we've noticed that things are turning around these past couple of months. While people aren't buying new cars, they are adding car accessories to their rides. We've had a several large orders for our cameras and cruises ... at least, this is what our sales guys keep saying. "If only we had those parts in stock, we could have sold a billion dollars this month." Why they can't sell everything that we've built up in inventory is beyond me. So we just keep building what we're told to build and hope that the business up-tick will reach us ... in spite of the sales guys.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

need to change professions?

:: sigh :: Extremely rough day at work. Maybe I need a different job, something that I still profit at even when I make a mistake --- like being a weatherman. Or perhaps I could open up shop as a veterinarian / taxidermist. "Sorry about Fluffy. Say, for $59.95 you can have him back in the cutest of poses..."

Protect Yourself

Today's self-defense weapon of choice is not a concealed gun. You can't use that if you're trying to protect yourself from police officers who step over the line. You can't even use such a potent weapon on inconsiderate neighbors who think your property and sleeping hours are under their control. No, these days you have to go high-tech --- camcorders and the services of a good lawyer are the only thing left to a civilized man in an uncivilized world. Just make sure you swing that camcorder from the hip and forcefully upperwards. The lawyer will help you get off on a plea of insanity...

Cheap, Fast, Good --- pick any two

So my aging faucet in the bathroom has developed a small leak. Just enough so that in the morning, a puddle of water has formed along the outer edge of the sink. It pools along the lip which keeps the water from cascading down the side of bathroom enclosure ... until you unexceptionably put your early morning hand into it.

The faucet is so old that the screw to get to the internal washer has rusted out. Since I'm not rich enough to buy one of the $100 Price Pfister faucets, I've come up with another cheap solution. Cheaper and quicker, in fact, than buying and installing a $5 Wal-Mart special spigots. That's right. I cut off 6 inch piece of string --- about $0.0001 worth ---, laid it along side of the faucet and into the sink. Now, the slowly leaking water wicks along to it's final destination. And I am free to continue to be as cheap as a politician spending his own money.