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Friday, March 23, 2012

Things You'll Never Hear

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It was unbelievable! The baseball game was in full swing; bottom of the ninth inning with two outs, a tied score, and bases loaded - as were some of the players and most of the fans.

On the mound stood the confident pitcher: full-time star, part-time magician, and anxious to end this game so he could get on with the relief pitcher – the cold one full of beer. So he decided on a devious plan. With two strikes on the batter, the pitcher unexpectedly fumbled the return throw from the catcher. The way our heroic pitcher frantically hunted around the mound, you thought that the ball had disappeared.

The nervous runner on third took advantage of this mishap and made his mad dash home. At first, he was confused by the yelling fans and the frantic waves from the line coach. He then realized his mistake and began running from first towards home; then, cursing to himself, he changed his course again and headed towards home plate.

Just as our intrepid runner came within two game-winning strides away from home plate, one of those sturdy amsec safes dropped from overhead – well within the playing area of the field – and struck the ground directly between the runner and his intended goal. As the impact sprung the safe door opened, the missing baseball popped out, striking the runner in the face and knocking him unconscious. The umpire screamed, "Safe! You're out!"

This cleared the benches of both teams. Within minutes, the fans were thrilled as several boxing matches began on the field. Unexpectedly, these fights ended as sporadic hockey games broke out. Soon, members of the ground crew tried to regain baseball dignity by chasing the hockey players off the field with yells of "Puck off! Puck off!"

At this point, I realized I need to do a better job of watching what I eat before I go to bed.


1 comment:

Ed said...

Great story. Funny!