When I was younger, I often heard my elders talk about "the middle-age spread". I thought it meant you would become very wealthy by your middle-age years, buy lots of land, and then brag about the acres of spread you own.
Now that I am middle-aged, I can see that I've been sorely misled. Still, the dreaded middle-aged spread has not affected my abdomen too much. In fact, I have a very well-defined six-pack. I've just found it easier to protect my taut stomach muscles with an almost slight-ish layer of fat – "slight-ish" when compared to very fluffy pillows or a triple-decker cheeseburger with chile (extra mayo, super-size the fries, and, oh, a diet Pepsi please). Yeah, slight. Almost. Ish. Okay, so my spread is more about what I put on my bread than about the acreage that I don't have to not exercise on.
Yes, I could eat more in the form of capsules. I could start sprinkling diet pills among the candy sprinkles on my ice cream. But, with so many colorful pills available, I'm not sure what flavor goes best with banana split. And what about the side effects? I don't mean the good kind like the extra side plate you have put next to you on your table at the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
Yes, I could learn more at sideeffectsofdietpills.net. That's not to say that I don't think those pills are effective. I understand they do a good job of thinning your wallet. I'm just wondering if I might be able to contain my spread with something a little more economical. Like a little duct tape. In my case, maybe a little more than just "a little". You can fix anything with duct tape. Do you know that you can reinforce a paper plate to hold two roast chickens during an outdoor BBQ? Mmmmmmm... Excuse me, my middle-age spread is calling.
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