What happens when guys cross that half-century mark of age? They start thinking about hanging up their mantle of manhood. They start dreaming about retiring from their testosterone fueled adventures, about the easy life, about being catered to in a nursing home. Well, the sissy men do.
But what do you do if you are a 65-year-old Sylvester Stallone or a 64-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger? How about Mickey Rourke at 59 or Bruce Willis at 57? The choice is easy: You all get together and make an action-packed movie where you do your own dangerous stunts, and take off your shirts to show off a physique that even 20-year-olds would be envious of – men included.
In fact, that movie, "The Expendables", is perhaps the best testosterone booster of sissy men everywhere. It has inspired a number of us to set our beer down and give serious consideration to doing a sit up or two during the week.
Unfortunately, considering exercise won't build your body as well as actually exercising. To turn a liquid six-pack into a muscular six-pack requires motivation. In this case, that motivation takes the form of shame. And if you aren't shamed into action as a 72-year-old Chuck Norris struts his stuff in "The Expendables 2" this summer, well, buddy, perhaps we need to revoke your manhood card.
Just so there's no misunderstanding - Chuck Norris does not appear in the movie. The movie appears in him!
Oh, and for you fans of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Stephen Stegall – yes, all five of you – Mr. Damme (51) shows up in this sequel. Mr. Stegall will show off his 60-year-old surly squint in "The Expendables 3", which starts filming this fall. Apparently, the first movie shamed, I mean, motivated both of them into "The Expendables" sequels. Mr. Stegall just needed a little more "motivation".
But at least Jean and Stephen are out of retirement, which is more than I can say for the rest of us girlie-men. What do I have to say for myself? "Nurse, get me another beer so I can seriously consider doing a sit-up!"
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