What was I thinking? I read my old posts and wonder when the grammar police will arrest me for my ignorant abuse of innocent words and for my senseless slaughter of many sentence structures.
My time is short. So, in spite of my frustration, I am devote as much time as possible to study the intricate craft of writing. But it is possible to undo a lifetime of bad composition habits?
Given my available time, this has become an adventure in self-education. Unfortunately, I can't speed up the process by wrapping my knuckles with a ruler every time I make a mistake. If I keep myself after school, I am punished by having the convenience of the refrigerator nearby.
Still, every day I find myself chasing down another complex rabbit hole with an ever increasing number of tunnels. Eventually, these tunnels of composition and work placement and style and other mind numbing rules converge into a humbling realization – I have to relearn those grammar school basics of subject and verb and punctuation.
During my elementary school English class, I'm pretty sure my eyes weren't that glazed-over. As I sat at my little school desk, I'm reasonably certain that I was somewhat attentive. While my gray-haired teacher, Mrs. White, droned on about those rudimentary language lessons, I'll bet I gave her my undivided attention – well, most of it. Well, maybe some of it. I don't know. I'm not a betting man.
Every day in class, she assigned us writing homework. I remember groaning. In my bedroom at home, I wrestled the demon of homework procrastination. Sometimes I would win and take my place at my desk as the reward for a hollow victory. I recall the smell of the blue lined notebook paper and the woody aroma of my No.2 pencil. To this day, I can feel the greasy slide of my pencil as I moved its sharpened, black point on the white surface of the paper. I wondered if my teacher had the same sensation as she covered my paper with her blood-red pencil.
Yet, here I am – 40 years later, struggling with concepts that have grown moldy and distorted. It's like wanting to learn advanced mathematical techniques, but finding myself having to relearn the basics of counting before I can even get to "1+1".
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