Sunday, February 26, 2006
In any case, as she and I chatted, it seemed so surreal. I kept finding myself looking deeply into her and couldn't believe that I had married this woman 27 years ago! What an idiot I was! And finally she left, to return to her home with over $11,000 in hand. She'll get another $7400 on Wednesday after the three business day period ends on another loan that I had to take out. For the record, I also agreed to $1200 a month in child support even though I make less than $40,000 a year so I could get her out of my life. Why do divorces cost so much? Because they are $%^#$%# worth it!!
Anyway, an hour later, I was buying a bottle of liquor to celebrate later on with my girlfriend. The lady at the counter said that I had a special glow about me and asked if something special had happened. I told her that, after a ten year battle, I was finally divorced! She laughed and said that she would have never now that way that I had acted in the past. I'm glad that I can conceal my problems from others.
Regardless, my girlfriend lives a couple of hours away and arrive later that night. Though we have been dating over a year, Sunday was the first time that she met one of my sister. This was possible only because my sister had traveled to Charlotte on business. We traveled a little over two hours to see my sister and had a great time doing so! So begins another page in my life.
Of course, I had to take time off from my second and third job to make this weekend happen but it was soooooo worth it! I'm getting there! I AM GETTING MY LIFE BACK!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I guess marriage is trial and error. If you make a big enough error, there will be a trial.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Today I thought that the worst thing that could happen would be traveling through ice and snow to finalize the property settlement of the divorce. So I drove forward, determined like the postman, to not let the rain nor the snow nor ice stop me from get this divorce over with. Fortunately the hazardous weather proved to be minimal. I traveled three hours and arrived in time to sign my part of the paperwork. I would take on her debt including the irs mess, and refinance the house so that she could get several thousand dollars as part of the proceeds. On Friday, this was all good with her. I sent her maps and directions to make sure that she would have no problem traveling two hours to meet me. With all the deadlines, this had to be done by today.
Unfortunately, she never showed up! She never called! She never even returned my calls that I made to her voice mail to make sure that she was OK. Reluctantly I had to call my son to get a hold her because they were about to cancel the loan. And what does she do? She yells at my son for calling her! I apologized to him but it was ok with him. My children understand all to well with what I’ve been putting up with.At this point I have no idea what is going on. She had an opportunity to have this all done in July of 2005. But at the eleventh hour, called and said the her lawyer didn't want her to sign anything. WTF! Everyone else had told her everything was in her favor ... as in this time. In any case, because she didn’t show, the loan company tore up all the paperwork. I must start all over again resubmitting everything. I can't wait to deal with the irs bureaucracy again.
Ultimately, I'm the idiot. I can’t believe that I put up with her and her irrational behavior for 25 years. And I can’t believe that it took me 25 years to learn that there is a difference between being a gentleman and being a doormat.
It could be worse I suppose. I could be in the middle of mudslide in the Philippines, trapped in the dark, confined and confused, praying for release from my muddy prison. Instead I am here: trapped in the dark, confined and confused, and praying for an end to this muddied madness. My only saving grace is the hope that I can get out of this alive.I know that there's some humor here, I'm just to tired to see it just yet.... adapt, adopt, improve, right?
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Q. Do you believe that forks are evolved from spoons?
A. Most people already know this to be true, especially good lovers! They're the ones who have learned that when you first spoon your lover, you end up forking.
Q. If you were a cannibal, what would you wear to dinner?
A. Miss Manners says that it depends who we're having for dinner.
Q. Why do you think honeydew is the money melon?
A. Have you ever seen her strip?!!
Q. You have to dig a hole to China. Where do you start?
A. It depends where the plates wound up in the landfill.
Q. If mud is dirt plus water, what is clay?
A. one rich dude after winning the american idol show ... the lucky $%#^$#!
Q. What's the best time you've ever had licking stamps?
A. Stamps???? Her name was Stamps???!!!
Q. You get to ride the big roller coaster three times in a row. What will keep your dad from taking a bite out of your candy apple?
A. You would think it would be a loss of his appetite when I vomit it back up .... big chucks or not! What would you expect after three consecutive rides??!
Q. You've successfully slain the dragon! How will you toast your marshmallows?
A. The same as always! With a glass of champagne and a "Here's to the best marshmallows ever!"
Q. If you were a pirate, how would you avoid laughing when saying "poop deck"?
A. By hiring a crew that didn't give a shit .... especially on deck!!
Q. In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming?
A. There's no water in the pool! duhrrrrr!
Q. Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?
A. Am I eating or having sex?!
Q. Your superpower is that you smell like dandelions whenever someone lies. How will you maintain your secret identity?
A. First of all, by trying not to be such a blooming idiot to begin with! Sheesh! Second of all, I'd avoid all politicians, lawyers and irs agents.
Q. The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig:
A. Not the "bald wig and the frog"? Awww, that was one of my favorites. Oh, alright then. "There once was a bald frog from Nantucket..."
Q. If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?
A. Cashing that big, fat stinky WWF check... ahhhh, yes, I AM THE GREATEST! BOW BEFORE ME!
Q. You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.
A. Probably by paying off the blackmailer who has those pictures of me, the goat and the slinky.
Yet to be answered.....
Q. This is a colon : and this is a semi-colon ; - what's a semi-truck?
Q. You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?
Q. Create a tagline for a new line of plastic bedsheets.
Q. Your bow is not broken but you've run out of arrows. How can you fake being a bard?
Q. What was the stage name of your favorite actress before she was born?
Q. The hair from your last haircut ... what would it say about your new style?
Q. You can whistle and steam can whistle, so why do you sing in the shower?
Q. Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp. What does it say?
Q. When you've got water stuck in your ear, how do you get it out?
Q. Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?
Q. Sponges and tongues are frequently misspelled. Is it because both are thirsty?
Q. Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
This is a short entry for now. I'll expand this as details become available.
17 Feb: Good News!! The doctor told her that it is a non invasive breast cancer that they caught very early! (They found it to be papillary intraductal arinoma & papillary ductal arinoma cancer). She goes for surgery on March 7th, then starts radiation Monday & Wednesday for about 25 treatment. She is in good spirits and very relieve by what her doctors told her. She joked about how the treatment was going to make one breast perky, so she asked if they could do both sides. I told that I was outside when I noticed a lump on my breast that morning. I soon realized that it was due to chilly morning. Fortunately, she is use to my humor.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Beaufort, North Carolina has several tourist attractions. One of interest is the grave of the girl who died at sea while returning from England. No big deal except that the captain, her father, buried her in the rum barrel and brought her back to Beaufort to be buried. Today, her grave, sheltered by 100 year old oak trees (live ones at that), is covered in cult-like fashion with toys, trinkets, flags and coins that visitors have left. Yeah, yeah, real nice but I'm left with questions!!
What possessed this grieving father to put his daughter into a rum barrel? Was he drinking tequila and noticed the preserved worm in the bottle? Fortunately, a custom of putting one's dead loved one into barrel of liquor never caught on. Although, I once observed my grandmother putting her teeth in a glass of gin.
And what happened during the journey to Beaufort? Did they have a wake? Did the first mate get carried away and tap the casket? "Who wants some virgin rum?! Oh, sorry, Capt'n" Of course, during that party, you have to ask yourself, "Could she hold her alcohol?" The answer is yes, not only could she hold it, she absorbed it!
At first I thought, well hoped, that her name was Jean. Her father then being the one who brought Jean Rummy to the maritime. But no, her name was Brandy, which means her father created the first rum runner drink at sea (for you teetotalers, that’s rum with a little brandy in it)!!
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Saturday, February 11, 2006
In spite of this, there seem to be people who purposely lie in wait for me. You know the type. They hurriedly pull out in front of you and then decide to mossy-on down the road. That's right, "Mossy"... one of those good descriptive southern word for moving along at a turtle pace. What were they thinking? Did they pull out and then realize that they needed to practicing for an upcoming parade? Are they worried that they might reach the speed limit too quickly?
Perhaps they just want me admired their bumper stickers and license plates. They have certainly given me several leisurely opportunities to do so! I have noticed that many of these cars have a symbol of fish. Are the drivers frustrated fishermen, longing for the slow, relaxing days on a vehicle powered by a shetland pony sized engine? Maybe they porpoise-ly put those fish symbols on their vehicles. You know, just for the halibut.... And what of the Greek letters that adorn some of these fish? Smart, southern fishermen? Nah!! OH! I know why! These poor, slow souls are christians ... devote ones at that! Baptist perhaps. Assembly of God, per chance. Maybe an independent, holy, rolling, fire-and-brim stone! You know the type --- devout to end-of-the-world salvation and the ensuing rapture! Naturally, this would give basis for their aversion to speed. They, being good people who are concerned about their neighbors, are having safety concerns about the rapture. How would it look when their God calls them home and their car goes careening into a crowd of unchosen bystanders? Of course, there are those believe they might get a few Browne points for helping the Big Guy for exterminate a few heathens.
But why else would they race snails for last place? Are they ashamed of what they drive, especially with the question "What would Jesus Drive" on the front pages. What would Jesus drive?! Since we're talking about a guy who was from the Middle East and didn't speak English, I'm thinking .... a taxi? Anyway, perhaps out of shame of their own vehicle, they're giving themselves a quick out if Jesus came a-calling. If they drive slow enough, they can jump out of their car at the first sign of rapture and then deny any knowledge of the wrecked automobile. Tuck and roll for Jesus, everybody!
It is admirable that they fight the temptation of doing the speed limit. "Get thee behind me, oh Satan of Speed." But why do they drive and have Amish-moment with their cruise control? Have you noticed their preference to the speed-up/slow down rhythm of driving? You'll noticed this is done especially on roads where the dividing line alternates between dashed and solid --- they slow down when you can't pass, then speed up when you can --- giving you false hope then dashing it.
Eventually, I make to work or home. And I have take another opportunity to learn patience.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Friday, February 03, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
We knew we were in for it when she approached the table, glaring at us, frowning as though we had dared to enter her domain without her permission. Throughout the meal, she slammed plates of food onto the table. her answers were short and curt and sarcastic. At the end of our meal, she slapped the ticket on the table and told us that she expected some reward. The words escape my mouth before I could stop them. "I'm sorry", I said. "We don't believe in cow tipping." It was a great lunch...
Wednesday, February 01, 2006