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Saturday, February 11, 2006

Is going slower than the speed limit a sin?

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Monday through Friday, I drive 57 miles from home to get to another adventurous day at work. In the evening, I follow my trail of bread crumbs back home. I have done this religiously for the past 14 years. So, to keep the trip from becoming too exasperating, I've figured out the times that school buses run their route into my route and alternate ways to get around road construction projects or other delays.

In spite of this, there seem to be people who purposely lie in wait for me. You know the type. They hurriedly pull out in front of you and then decide to mossy-on down the road. That's right, "Mossy"... one of those good descriptive southern word for moving along at a turtle pace. What were they thinking? Did they pull out and then realize that they needed to practicing for an upcoming parade? Are they worried that they might reach the speed limit too quickly?

Perhaps they just want me admired their bumper stickers and license plates. They have certainly given me several leisurely opportunities to do so! I have noticed that many of these cars have a symbol of fish. Are the drivers frustrated fishermen, longing for the slow, relaxing days on a vehicle powered by a shetland pony sized engine? Maybe they porpoise-ly put those fish symbols on their vehicles. You know, just for the halibut.... And what of the Greek letters that adorn some of these fish? Smart, southern fishermen? Nah!! OH! I know why! These poor, slow souls are christians ... devote ones at that! Baptist perhaps. Assembly of God, per chance. Maybe an independent, holy, rolling, fire-and-brim stone! You know the type --- devout to end-of-the-world salvation and the ensuing rapture! Naturally, this would give basis for their aversion to speed. They, being good people who are concerned about their neighbors, are having safety concerns about the rapture. How would it look when their God calls them home and their car goes careening into a crowd of unchosen bystanders? Of course, there are those believe they might get a few Browne points for helping the Big Guy for exterminate a few heathens.

But why else would they race snails for last place? Are they ashamed of what they drive, especially with the question "What would Jesus Drive" on the front pages. What would Jesus drive?! Since we're talking about a guy who was from the Middle East and didn't speak English, I'm thinking .... a taxi? Anyway, perhaps out of shame of their own vehicle, they're giving themselves a quick out if Jesus came a-calling. If they drive slow enough, they can jump out of their car at the first sign of rapture and then deny any knowledge of the wrecked automobile. Tuck and roll for Jesus, everybody!

It is admirable that they fight the temptation of doing the speed limit. "Get thee behind me, oh Satan of Speed." But why do they drive and have Amish-moment with their cruise control? Have you noticed their preference to the speed-up/slow down rhythm of driving? You'll noticed this is done especially on roads where the dividing line alternates between dashed and solid --- they slow down when you can't pass, then speed up when you can --- giving you false hope then dashing it.

Eventually, I make to work or home. And I have take another opportunity to learn patience.

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