my son is here

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For almost three years, I would leave right after work on Friday and travel 300 miles to be with my children for the weekend. Sunday afternoon would find me back on the road returning to my other home. The hardest part of the journey was saying good bye to my children, especially my youngest son who didn't understand why I had to leave. One time, he clenched his hands together, got on his knees and pleaded for me to stay. My heart broke through that entire trip. If I could have found a job that would support my family, I would probably be there today. But that didn't happen and the woman that I had pledged my life to did nothing to help the situation.

Anyway, four years ago, those trips became every other month as I struggled through the divorce. Nightly phone calls to my children helped but they can't replace being there. Yesterday, I picked up my youngest (who is now 14) and brought him 300 miles to be with me this week. Hopefully to build what I couldn't when we were apart. This trip turned out to be the beginning of an adventure.

My ex has decided to be a trucker, which is fine. I'm glad that she is FINALLY working instead of being a moocher. The downside is that she has passed my youngest son onto my oldest, my daughter, my pride and joy. But she shouldn't have to play mother. And she shouldn't have had to put up with what I found upon my arrival yesterday. I discovered that the water pump to the pitiful trailer that they are renting from my ex-brother-in-law had died a few days ago. So they have been filling buckets of water from another trailer to use. This is no situation for my youngest to be in. So, instead of spending the night so that I could be with my other two children, he and I left and arrived here at two this morning. At 6 AM, he was up, excited about being here. And now, the lack of sleep has drained us both. He is finally asleep and I shall follow shortly.

Observing some of his mannerisms today has me worried. In one case, he frequently talks to himself in a low mumble. Often it seems as though he is answering questions. When I ask him what he said, he replies, "Nothing." We talked about it a little bit and he realizes that he does it. He says that he is alone a lot and feels lonely and talking aloud makes him feel better. I can understand that. Since I'm alone a lot, I've found myself carrying on conversations half aloud. Perhaps I have a defect and I've passed on to him.

The other thing that I noticed today is how he carries on two conversations with neighbors that we met. When he was very young, he was very friendly and outgoing. He had no problem walking up to strangers and starting conversations even though his speech wasn't very clear. His enunciation still isn't good. But his replies people are almost too quick in answering and his tone could be mistaken as accusatory and rude. I don't know. More to follow about this week...