How To Dress For Success ... sort of.

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A couple of weeks ago, our CFO added more letters to his title and became the company's latest CEO. He spent much of that week endearing himself to employees by issuing bizarre memos, stricter company policies, and demands that we bow low when we approach him.

Of course, I am kidding about the "bow low" demand. That will be issued at the end of the month. However, in an obvious effort to improve employee morale, he has proclaimed an unforgiving dress code.

Have you gone to a convenience store with this warning displayed prominently on their door: "No shoes, no shirt, no service!"? Our beloved CEO issued a similar threat: "No sneakers, no jeans, no T-shirts, or else no job!"

Thank goodness, he implemented this wonderful change. Why, just the other day, as my fellow workmate and I crawled along on dirty floor of the plant, working feverishly to repair an antique piece of greasy machinery, I said, "You know, we really need to start wearing suit and ties for our job." What I said in jest must have been over heard.

But I can understand the reason for this latest edict. Somehow, during new company president's start, we employees - with decades of faithful service to the company and to our customers - turned into children, suddenly forgetting how to dress properly for our workplace. When we had special visitors, such as new customers that we want to impress, we knew to wear spiffier business attire. Yet, somehow, we must have forgotten this a couple of weeks ago.

The obvious solution is simple. Very soon, upper management will announce uniforms for when we have visitors – burqas for everyone. What looks more productive than a plant full of worker bees dressed like masked beekeepers. Besides, you can't have visitors lusting after the hard-working employees. Who knows what better job offers might come of it?

In any case, as a guy, I am a little disappointed with this strict dress code. I guess I can't show up to work in my new miniskirt and high heels. According to the new policy, that would be an obvious drag.

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Update! The natives grumbled loud enough that the CEO has reissued his dress code. "Comfortable" shoes for those who have medical needs. Given that many of the workers on the floor are heavy-set women in their late 50s and early 60s, we applaud the CEO for his generosity.

He will also allow us to wear jeans - as long as the jeans do not have holes in them. This one is confusing. After all, jeans have to have 3 holes so you to put them on your body. But perhaps our CEO wants to make a fashion statement. Perhaps, we must take our hole-less jeans, throw the legs over our shoulders, and loop them around our neck. Just as you would with a fancy sweater if your name was 'Biff' or 'Babs', and you had to slave away enjoying yourself at the country club.

T-shirts are still forbidden unless it has a split at the neck and a couple of buttons along the split. Nothing screams professionalism better than a ripped shirt with sensible buttons.

Burqas are being considered ...