E-everything

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Now-a-days, when someone finds an 'e' or 'i' in front of a common placed noun, they automatically think of the Internet or computers or something related to electronics. When my daughter returned from the local tobacco shop, she said they were selling e-cigarettes. She had no idea what they were and thought I might know since I'm electronic/computer engineer and must know everything (because I'm her dad). e-cigarettes? Is that something you smoke online? Or a cigarette you send by electronic mail? No, it seems that cigarettes have been invaded by the electronic world to give you a simulated smoke sensation. That's great! I can't wait until dieters can feast on e-food for that simulated eating sensation.

When Now?

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I've know Mela for 10 years now. Her husband was great friends with all of us at work during that time. Last year, divorce proceeding entered the picture and we find ourselves missing him. Then, last month, Mela announced that she had been some new guy since Christmas and they were going to get married. While we are happy for her, it seemed a bit quick. Besides, we haven't finished mourning their break-up and the loss of her now ex-hubby.

Today, she went around work showing off a new, beautiful, expensive engagement ring. Mela then raved about big plans to honeymoon in the Bahamas. Yeah, nice. Anger was the only emotion I felt when I saw the shiny piece of metalized gems and heard about her plans. She's been seeing this guy for less than 6 months and I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 8 years now. My girlfriend and I are planning on getting married this year. But still, between taking care of 3 households, not only can't I afford a wedding ring, I can't even consider paying for a honeymoon trip. I'm have to cater to everyone's financial needs at the expense of my wants to please a gorgeous, wonderful woman. What am I going to do?

Don't ask if you don't want to know

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It has been a few years since I've walked into the plant's production area and found the workers excited, really excited about their task at hand. Yet, there they were, mouths curved into wicked grins, eyes glowing as pent-up anger began to vent, hands furiously scribbled pen to paper.

Writing isn't one of their normal production activities but today was different. Today, our human resource lady had handed out "employee satisfaction survey" forms. The explosion of frustration with management was about to make the recent eruption of Icelandic volcano look like a tiny firecracker. You could tell just by the way these normally sedate women attacked the few lines for comments at the end of the 3 page survey. Not only did the workers pass along a couple of timely suggestions, some took the opportunity to completely fill the back blank side of the page.

I eagerly filled out my form shortly after receiving it. But I couldn't add any comments. Though the paperwork didn't want your name, it did want you to identify which area you worked in, your general job label, and whether you were hourly or salary. With 80 of us still employed, it wouldn't take the genius of Sherlock Holmes to figure which comments were mine. I don't think management would fire me immediately. Chances are they would just hold a grudge, one of those long, lingering, festering grudges that get acted on when the time is right.

The question is will the top dogs share the results when they finish compiling the surveys? How will they react to the unleashed resentment of their 'highly valued' employees? Will most of us still have our jobs in the coming months? The adventures continue ...

the remarrying sage continues

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One advantage of marrying someone who has been around a few decades is that you get to combine all of your stuff. This combining process seems to involve a lot of steps. For my part, I will be getting a step-son, 3 step-daughters, and, from my bride-to-be's garage, a step-ladder (which is a good thing because I don't get along with my real ladder).

I'm also getting things I've never had before such as outdoor furniture. Originally, after spending much of my youth in New Hampshire, I thought an outdoor chair was just a dead log that you sat on in the middle of the woods. Using outdoor cushions meant wearing a couple layers of long johns, a pair or two of wool pants and a down coat stuff with a few million duck feathers. Apparently, I've missed out on the finer things of life. But that is what happens when you both go into marriage for a second time -- it is the triumph of hope over experience. Wish me luck.

You Snooze, You Lose

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Sorry, Heidi Klum, but it's over. Jessica Simpson, you took too long. You had your chance too, Jessica Alba, but there's nothing you can do now. To all the super models and hot actresses, I have to tell you that I waited as long as I could as a single man. But now, I've committed myself to an even hotter star, a most magnificent super model beyond all imagining. That's right. I am to be wedded to the most wonderful, supportive woman possible. In the world of wedding cake toppers, I would be the groom swooned on one knee and she would be the heavenly angel cupping my enraptured face in her graceful hand.

So you other girls can dry your tears. You had your opportunity but another far more gorgeous creature has captured my heart and soul. Of course, if you are happy about my upcoming nuptials, you can send your well-wishes wrapped in tinsel and bows. I also accept VISA and Mastercard.

The Good Old Days?

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Michael Ramirez has to be one of the most insightful cartoonist around!