Big Words From Such a Little Mind

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Have you ever been around people who tend to make things sound much more complicated than they really are? It's as if they have a compelling need to take a simple term and turn it into a poly syllabic phrase. I have one such friend who suffers from this affliction. Actually, he has the affliction, the rest of us suffer.

He works as an exterminator. Instead of saying that you step on a bug to kill it, he refers to the action as applying "spontaneous compression" so that the bug dies from "vertical planar syndrome". The other day, he had an assignment at the Campbell Soup factory down the road. You can imagine how all the dried grains and vegetables tend to attract an insect or two. Instead of telling me that he was putting Indian meal moth traps around the plant, he said he was installing "Native-American-dinner-butterfly hunting gear". I guess he thought this was funny because most of the workers at factory claim lineage to Lumbee tribe. I'm thinking that if he tells any of them what he is installing, he is soon to be informed of how "factually unencumbered" and "non-cerebrally gifted" he is. No doubt the more expressive members of the group are sure to help him become "metabolically inactive". All I can say is that he just bugs me...