I come to realize, perhaps too late, that there is a fine line between being a gentleman and being a doormat. Unfortunately, this mistake is costing me, not just financially, but emtionally and physically and spiritually. So what happens when you tried to correct this mistake? What happens when a guy puts an end to the doormat behavior of catering to his wife's every demand? I had hoped that she would grow up with me so that we could grow old together. Instead, I began to see her for who she truly was. I began to understand what is was that my friends and family had been trying to tell me all these years. But, like an addict, the healing could begin until I admitted to my shortcomings. And then realized that changes had to be done if I wanted to live.
At first, she laughed when I told her that I was planning to divorce her. Then her mood changed as the seriousness of the idea seeped into her thoughts. Her ultimate action? Well, three years last month, my wife of twenty five years filed for divorce. Yet, after three years, she and her lawyer have caused delay after delay while I’ve made offer after offer to buy her out and ransom my life back.
Hopefully, December 6th is the final day when we will appear before a judge and he will decree an end to her silliness.
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The week prior to December 6th, you would have thought the Rose and I were about to reach an agreement without the need of the lawyers. Yet Rose and her lawyer had other plans. When I showed up at my lawyers on the 5th, her lawyer faxed over the paperwork for me to sign. My paralegal advised me to read it all very carefully. This turned out to be great advice for Rose's lawyer had conveniently left out sentences and changed dollar amounts. So Rose and I spent all day going back and forth over the details. At 4PM, Rose's lawyer was to send the final agreement, yet spent 20 minutes send one blank page after another. I finally got the paperwork and had one question necessary to finish all without going to court. Conveniently, her lawyer had gone for the day. ::: sigh :::
Tuesday morning came and I just want to sign anything at the point. Ten years of wanting a divorce with the last three years of torment from her had me feeling very defeated. Would this thing never end? To try and end this torment, I had agreed to give Rose almost $115,000 over the course of five years and would take on almost $100,000 of debt for her. What more could she want? My friends, especially my divorce women friends, were angered by what I agreed to. Many of them were and still are trying to make ends meet due to the lack of payments and help from their former spouses. Still, they have been very supportive of me during this time and understand that I am tired of being a hostage to Rose's whims. Why do divorces cost so much? Because they are worth it!
Back in the court, my lawyer told me to just wait. He took her lawyer into the hall to talk. Then Rose's lawyer call Rose into the hall. After a few minutes, we both initially handwritten changes on the agreement. Rose then stood in front of the judge, raised her hand, and stated publicly that she wanted a divorce. Finally! Yet, when I saw her outside, smoking a cigarette with her sister and friend, she seemed anger.
I know that it could have ended much cheaper and better for everyone if I had gone ahead and filed four years ago. In any case, one more major event crossed. The next is to settle with the thievery of the irs and get the 2nd mortgage.
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