Two Minutes of Free Advertising On TV

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I understand how exciting places like Las Vegas and Miami get TV shows written about them -- all the drama, the mystery and fantasies that go on in the humdrum minds of viewers can make for a captive viewing audience. No doubt, the tourist bureau of such places doesn't have to worry about television advertising. So how does a place like Branson Missouri make it onto the boob tube? Somehow, somewhere, someone knew just the right people because I just watched a two minute scene featuring Branson on ... well, I better not say the name of the show. But it's one of the top adult-type cartoons that have been on the air for all of this century. Since I have done a couple of paid posts on Branson, it was surprising to see their local attractions featured as part of a storyline. I wonder if Branson paid for this or if someone in their tourist bureau just happened to have some compromising pictures. With Missouri being the "Show Me" state, I'll go with the compromising photos. After all, what happens in Branson, stays ... readily available for show.

My Meal On Wheels

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If you visited my other blog at "Whats All This Then" then you've probably read how I turned my sports car into a camper. Since then, I have been thinking about how to expand its capabilities. During that last trip, my car was just a comfortable bed on wheels. The next step would be to add an outdoor kitchen to it. Maybe I could hook up one of those coolers to my cigerette lighter and chill a bottle of wine as I tour the roadways for several hours, letting dinner slowly cook on the engine block. This assumes that the cooler doesn't overload my car's puny electrical system. And yes, I know grease is bad for the health. Hopefully, oily food isn't as bad.

Doctors and Apples

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If blood is so life-giving, why is it giving me so much trouble lately? For now let's just say that I'm learning how well technology has made medical devices extremely accurate and affordable for the average citizen. For example, with a pulse oximeter, you can indirectly measure the amount of oxygen and changes in blood volume in your skin. Before this little medical miracle of a device, the doctor had to shove a large needle into your arm to extract enough blood that would make even Dracula queasy. After that, there was that anxiety-building wait for the lab results. Today, you can get the same results within minutes. Not only that but you can get them as often as you like. Just imagine the fun you can have by annoying your friends with your latest findings until they secretly wish that you would die. Ain't technology grand! Well, hopefully it will help me now. If I had taken care of this issue a few years ago, things would probably be better. It wasn't the Apple-a-Day that kept the doctor away. It was the cost of my medical insurance. Thanks goodness the medical devices are cheaper now.

Hunting Blinds

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Duck hunters use duck blinds to sneak up on their unsuspecting prey. (Although I find it much easier to go down to the duck pond with a loaf of bread and a hammer. Not only is it cheaper, but the ducks walk right up to me.) Dear hunters also use camouflage blinds during their season. (My hunting friends say that it makes it almost impossible for their wives to find them, especially if they set it up in the living room during football season.) But I was a little confused to learn that, not only do people hunt *IN* the woods, some even hunt *the woods* themselves. I learned this when I saw a recent sale on wood blinds. As fast as a tree moves, I didn't think that you had to sneak up on one to begin with! And what do you do when you catch one? How many people do you know that serve up a juicy cut of truck? How many proudly display a rack of branches over their mantel? Unless ... ah, that's right! There is a season for hunting trees - pine trees - and that happens right before Christmas. Ok, then. Mystery solved.

How To Run Your Business Into The Ground

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This company's pool of talented people is rapidly shrinking. The only thing dropped faster is the moral of employees. Today I learned that yet another fellow employee has had enough of the 'fun and games' around here and turned in her notice. The powers-that-be don't believe in succession planning. So naturally, they have no replacements for their dwindling human resources. The work is simply moved onto one or more already overburdened workers. My departing day is coming soon. For now, staying here is like watching a slow-motion train wreck from the inside car...

Does the World Really Need More Copies of Me?

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My girlfriend lives three hours to my east. My children live five hours to my west. I wish that there were a couple of copies of me to dispatch to everyone I love. Right now, one of me would be helping my children get into a better house. My other version would be investigating Wilmington NC real estate for a love nest on the coast. But it's probably for the best that there is only one of me. The last thing the world needs right now is mo'Rons running around...

Drinking To Your Health

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Some people go to bars and nurse their beers. You can't miss them. They're the ones with soggy nipples. If you think this is unusual behavior, what about the new medical diagnostic procedure that a few doctors are starting to use? Let's see, how can I put this delicately? Just as a mechanic examines the exhaust emissions to troubleshoot your car problems, a few doctors want the "emissions" that their patients create in the restrooms of their local drinking establishments. These bar stools are said to reveal much more about the patient's health than samples from their home environment. Personally, I think these doctors are just looking for an excuse to make a house call at a place where they know they can get a drink and charge someone in the process.

ARRR, What Be Ye Party Theme?

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For the past four years, a good friend of mine has had me conspire with her to create some very interesting murder mystery parties -- the type where everyone dresses in a costume and one of the guests plays a murder victim while everyone else has to figure out who did it and why. This year, we thought we would try something a little different. At first we considered a gay 90s type theme. But we couldn't be sure our guests would show up dressed in 1890s garb. Considering the crew of hilarious nuts that we hang around with, some might think 1990's and show up as flamboyantly gay or as someone in the 90s or as both.

We finally decided to do a pirate theme and base it on the clues game. There will be two teams of pirates competing to find clues of who did what to whom using which implement of destruction. Yesterday, my friend handed out her very innovative style of party invitations -- small plastic bottles that contained coins and an invitation written on an aged scroll. With less than a week away from the day of the party, I now need to do my part to help her come up with the clues. If all goes well, perhaps I'll post a few pictures ... assuming that I am not made to walk the plank because of what I did.

Thank You, Robyn

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Up until a few months ago, I was part of a group of bloggers who were making a concerted effort to visit each other's site on an almost daily basis. While it was great to read each other's latest posts, the main objective was to help our Alexia score. The motivation behind that lie in our financial dealings with PayPerPost.

Then, with PPP latest changes, there was a fear that our efforts would be meet with a fate worse than death -- expulsion from the PayPerPost system. Fortunately, PayPerPost has finally clarified their position and our Alexia group is back in operation. This group is only possible through the generosity of a fellow blogger, Robyn. Thank you, Robyn, for the recently posted blog roll.

How to get the edge over your classmates and fellow workers

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I enjoy trying to analyzing data and come up with trends and predictable forecasts.
Today, I found a site called Swivel that allows you to collect data and graph it for everyone to see and comment. The site is keyed into several data sources such as the various government data banks and financial centers. Here's a graph on "Number of Senators missing a vote, by date." Glad to see our tax dollars hard at work.

Swivel's mission is this:

... to make data useful so people share insights, make great decisions and improve lives. We believe data is most valuable when it's out in the open where everyone can see it, debate it, have fun, and share new insights. Swivel makes it easy to accomplish all this with our simple-to-use blogging tools.

You don't have to be a numbers geek like me to find all sorts of interesting information. If you've got a report and you need some hard data to back your position, Swivel would be the place to start to give you that edge over everyone else. Let me know your thoughts as you try this site out.

Only 106 Shopping Days ...

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Walking through Wal-Mart has a way of making you think about money (or the lack thereof). Nothing says "Happy Holidays" better than seeing Christmas decorations up on display four months ahead of that fateful day. Yes, I realize that they are just trying to compete with the snootier stores who put up their decorations right after the Fourth of July. This is referred to as "elegant foresight". Yet, if I leave my Christmas decorations up until after May, I'm referred to as "lazy". Anyway...

Wal-mart's elegant foresight has remind me of what I've got to do -- earn more money while trying to find some really good deals on presents. Woe be it that I don't do my patriotic duty and deny some American the privilege of standing knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper on Christmas Day. Who am I to not give them the opportunity to utter those heartfelt, holiday words, "Is this all I got?"

New York Lawyers

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If going to law school is so difficult and expensive, why are there so many lawyers? I've heard that there are more New York personal injury lawyers per person than there are rats per person in New York. Not that I'm trying to give rats a bad name. After all, I know that rats aren't the reason that the wheels of justice turn slow.

Still, there are reports that an incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months. Whereas a competent lawyer can delay a trial for even longer.

Too bad they couldn't delay their bills as easily.

Skin Care or Skin That Cares

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If you take real good care of your body, how does your skin show its appreciation? Does it care enough to get you a thank you card? Would such a card or present be considered a "skin care" product?

Seriously, it is important to take good care of yourself, especially as you get older. Go ahead and spend a little money on some skin care products. Make sure you wash and scrub your body thoroughly. And, if you're wrinkly enough, a good ironing never hurts now and then as well.

Antique ... Lovers?

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Sometimes I think I must be mentally warped. Yesterday I walked into the middle of a conversation as someone mentioned "antique lovers." Two thoughts immediately came into my mind. One was an image of very aged, Century furniture, weathered and well seasoned from use and time. The other thought was, "What a great title for a porn flick about elder people!" Naturally, the movie would be a very slow moving work. Hmmm, if we throw in some old, creaky furniture and we might have something .... maybe more horror than erotic...

430 days later...

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430 days ago, I hooked my blogs up with PayPerPost. Today I made it in their postie lottery known as "blog of the day." Amazing! This is a shock since usually the "blog of the day" is someone who just signed up within the last few milliseconds. But not today! Woo-Hoo!

My thanks goes out to a great fellow blogger, CyberCelt, who let me know about this honor! Yes, I probably don't deserve such an award. But I have bad eyesight and I don't deserve that either. So there you have it. If you're a first time visitor, I welcome you to my blog of sometimes outlandish thoughts. Look around, kick the tires, leave a comment or two so we can find out about your blog and maybe share this love.

I want to thank Bill Gates and the Department of Defense for this making this all possible. To Al Gore, thanks for nothing. Much thanks to the all people of PayPerPost for starting this daily event and to their programmers for the randomness algorithm. Much thanks to their parents for having them. Of course, thanks to my parents! After all, where would I be without their union? Certainly not blogging here. And to my teacher who said that computers were a fad, who's blog-of-the-day now, fat boy?! And I should thank the my ex and the thieves at the irs for providing the financial strain necessary to join PPP....

Living Large For A Moment

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My friend has finally lived the dream of his life. He rolled in to the city of sin and checked into Imperial Palace Las Vegas like a big-time spender. This is something he has wanted to do for a very long time. He hit it big too. He arrived there in his $8,000 car and came back home by way of a $50,000 bus. For some reason, he's lost his fondness of greyhounds now...

Free Form verses Review type posts

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There seems to be some confusion about what a free-form post is and what a review type post is. For example, if I were to do a free-form post on intranet software and link it to epazz.com, I might write about the adventures that I'm having at work as I develop a program to connect our production test equipment through our network. In contrast, if I were to write a review type post, my post would be focused entirely on Epazz's intranet program. In this case, I would probably write about their 30 day free trial of their software; how they seek to improve workflow through an effective collaboration and in-depth personalization to the end-user's level; and how the software is designed to easily integrate to all of an enterprise's backend systems. The difference is that in a review post, the advertiser dictates what point they want covered. In a free-form, the writer has a creative license about the topic.

So if you are an advertiser who would like to have posts written for your product or service, please know that there is a difference between a review and a free-form entry. Please make your request accordingly and thank you for your support.

Marriage Tactics of One Southern Woman

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Would you like to hear how a woman who is just under 5 feet tall was able to straighten out my friend, her 6 foot 6 tall husband? After a few months of marriage, my friend's wife began to realize that her husband wasn't quite as perfect as she believed him to be while they were dating. In fact, she discovered that he could be a downright slob at times -- his dirty clothes could be found strewn about the house, he drank straight from the milk carton and put the nearly empty container back in the fridge. As he put it, he was just short of marking his territory in the house. This blushing bride brought her concerns to his mother who told her that, as a new wife, she was going to have to get his attention right away "even if it takes hitting him upside the head with a frying pan."

The next day during dinner, this petite, patience, very passive wife talked about her concerns with large, loud husband who simply laughed it off as the mutterings of his "little woman". There is a limit to the patience of any good person. And his reaction simply infuriated her. She took the figurative advice of her mother-in-law literally and applied a fine piece of berndes cookware upside my friend's thick skull. When he came to, his new bride was nowhere in the house. She had in fact gone immediately to his mother, screaming "I think I killed him." The two women went straight back to the scene of the attitude adjustment and found my friend sitting in the kitchen, clutching an ice bag to the back of his head. He immediately apologized and said that he would change his ways. His mother added, "You gosh darn better!"

I am very happy to report that they have been married over 15 years now and have six children. My friend tells me from that moment on, he had a new found respect for his little bride. It's funny how a nonstick frying pan can cause some good things to stick.

He's Not As Bad As You Think

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He steps into the office with the swagger of a bad ass. His leather boots make ominous thuds as he walks down the hall. The chains on his leather pants and jacket jingle just enough to get your attention. His black shaded, tough guy, Wiley X sunglasses hide his eyes so that all you can focus on is a dark mustache riding atop a deep scowling mouth.

Of course we know better. Outside is a beat up AMC Gremlin, held together by bond-O and chicken wire. Inside, he removes his sunglasses to reveal deep wrinkles about his blood-shot eyes. His mustache is an unnatural shade of black for a man his age. His leather pants may have once held a cow but now they stretch to extreme limits to contain his gut. His dark boots are scuffed and dull with the soles threatening to walk away on their own accord if they could. Clothes don't make the man. The man makes the man.

Programming for Fun and Profit

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I have often heard that it is easy for programmers to make themselves indispensable to a company. Just keep your code cryptic and your documentation minimal if not, nonexistent. But these are just signs of a bad programmer and not of somebody that company could value.

Since I have never followed these ill-advised practices, perhaps that is why I am the only programmer left in my company. And now, my job function is in extremely high demand (though you never know how valuable I am from my pay raises, or lack thereof). So to try and make my job more accessible by the shrinking number of workers in our facility, I was able to convince my boss's boss to purchase a programming environment known as LabVIEW. Instead of writing thousands of lines of code and documentation, I can now drag and drop an icon of the function that I need. I can then draw a wire from the icon's inputs and outputs to that of other icons to create my program. Result is a picture that shows how the program flows in a way that almost anyone can understand. Amazingly, the size of the executable file has shrunken like a large person on a hoodia diet. So now I have a smaller, often times faster file that can be read and modified by someone other than me.

Now this doesn't mean I'm putting myself out of a job. Like any programming environment, LabVIEW has its own set of complexities and learning curve. But if I write my LabVIEW programs well with enough flexibility in them, someone else can be called to the floor to do the hand-holding that our production and sales often need. I can then spend my time more productively ... like looking for another job with a more appreciative company.