The Power of Memories

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I have been having several nostalgic dreams lately of when my children were young. We used to visit the Outer Banks of North Carolina every fall -- the rates were low, the crowds were sparse, and the turtles were hatching. One of the Society for the protection of turtles would set up an event for young children to lead hatching turtles back to the ocean. My children loved participating in that event every year.

As for me, besides sharing in my children's fun of helping defenseless creatures, I would enjoy running along the edge of the tide at sunset. There's nothing quite like the salty fragrance in your nose, the warm water lapping at your toes as you raced by, the sparkle of the setting sun dancing on your frolicking children, the adrenaline rush of a good life pushing you to run faster and faster until it was as if you were gliding across the top of the ocean. Eventually I would be breathing so hard that I had to stop. But I stopped with an enormous smile on my face and an even larger sense that all was right with the world and my family.

A lot has changed since then. The other night, that memory of my beach runs came back as a dream. Only this time, my gasps for air awoken me. For the next few minutes, it was as if I could not breathe deep enough. It's as though my ex has done everything in her power to make sure that my children and I can't get enough of each other anymore. But my children are about to give her an unexpected turn in that battle...

I Get To Help My Daughter

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When I divorced a few years ago, I told my then teenage daughter that she could always come and live with me because of the advantages of school and work in my area. At the time she didn't want to break the bonds of her friends and decided to remain in the area where her mother lived. Since then, my baby girl has come to realize the unpleasant type of person her mother really is. My darling daughter has also become extremely frustrated with the lack of employment opportunities in her area. To remedy this situation, she and her fiancé are going to take me up on my offer and move in with me sometime during this upcoming springtime. I'm very excited about her decision! Of course, this means I've got to immediately begin a major ground-to-roof cleaning project. You know all the clutter that we are "going to get around to organizing someday"? Well, my "someday" has arrived! I also need to make sure I can make as many job and college resources available to my new roommates as possible.

I realize this is going to be a slight disruption in my otherwise quiet home life. And my expenses will go up temporarily. But in the end, all of this will be very much worth while.

Another Chapter In Life

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The time I spent last week with my youngest son was long overdue. Now that he's 16, we were able to have several heart-to-heart talks that weren't possible when he was younger. As I look at this gangly youth who now towers over me, I hope to have planted some seeds of success in his mind.

This is the time in his life of social awareness. So one of his biggest concerns was how hormones are ravaging his face. Fortunately, his mother has bought him a natural acne treatment. Surprisingly, she hasn't gone so natural as to include sandpaper, sterilized needles and an avoidance of zitti pasta.

And that would be his second biggest concern -- his mother. While I have maintained that he needed to respect her because she is his mother, he's finally realizing the type of person she is and why I had to divorce her a few years ago. Hopefully, he will make some better choices for his life because of our time together.

Horsing Around

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My daughter wants to get in to horseback riding. She made a very convincing case as to why I should help her get into this. So I told her that I would look into it and make a decision shortly. I researched the costs for caring and feeding such a magnificent animal (the horse, not my daughter) as well as horse riding apparel. After adding up all the expenses and looking at my bank account, I made my decision. My daughter was very happy when I said that I would help her. She was less-than-pleased when I gave her a bunch of quarters for the horsey ride in front of Wal-Mart. Kids these days ....

Two More Days...

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...and my two oldest children will be visiting with me for a week. I am excited about them being here and about the possibility that they might move here permanently in a few months. Still, because I haven't been able to fully recover from the divorce, I am embarrassed about the state of this house. Hopefully they will be comfortable despite the fact that I have very little home furniture. My daughter's response to my concern was "Don't worry. We're coming to be with you, not the house." That sentiment helps. As long as they have a good time while they are here, that's all that matter, yes?

Does the World Really Need More Copies of Me?

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My girlfriend lives three hours to my east. My children live five hours to my west. I wish that there were a couple of copies of me to dispatch to everyone I love. Right now, one of me would be helping my children get into a better house. My other version would be investigating Wilmington NC real estate for a love nest on the coast. But it's probably for the best that there is only one of me. The last thing the world needs right now is mo'Rons running around...

My Children Grew Up Too Quickly

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One day my children were just learning to walk. And then I blinked and found my two oldest children in their 20s and my youngest in high school. I still love them even though they are older but I miss those carefree days of when they were little. They had a way of brightening up whatever room they were in. And not only because they wouldn't turn off the lights. They were, and still are, a joy to be around.

I was reflecting on this as I went through boxes of books and toys that they had as young children. There were old Dr. Seuss books, their favorite stuffed animals, and a box with kids bedding and their sleeping bags of the Little Mermaid and of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. While these sleeping bags have faded over time, my memories of my children camping out in them are vibrant in color and sound. It's as if everything happened yesterday. So it will be with a touch of deep sadness as I give some of their old childish possessions to Goodwill. But they've grown up now, which is a good thing. Who wants kids that have grown sideways? I have learned a lot of things from them -- like patience ... and that the thirstiest child is the one who just went to bed. I may be getting rid of a lot of unwanted toys, but I'll still have lots of fond memories of my children until the day I die.

Christmas in CA

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My sister Annette lives in California. We last saw each other four years ago while we took care of my mother's estate. Since then she keeps threatening to kidnap me from my jobs so that I can visit her and her family. But you know that you can't kidnap the willing. So I've been thinking about a surprise visit. My company is closed during the week of Christmas. Southwest airlines has an Internet special rate for flights on Mondays and Thursdays. My flight would be $360, well almost $400 with all the extra governmental charges. Since Monday is Christmas day, perhaps I can show up on her doorstep with a Christmas bow plastered to my forehead. (I'll tell her that I was in India and my third eye blossomed.) That would be cool, wouldn't it! My excitement has died down considerably though as I worked the numbers for my budget. The way my life has gone lately, there are too many unknowns at the moment that might extort funds from me.

My sister Simonne lives in Tennessee. Her and her husband are planning to be in California with Annette during Christmas. I told her about my plan but not about the financial obstacles. She mentioned that her husband would be driving back to Tennessee with their daughter after Christmas. She wondered if the two unused return tickets would be available for my use. What a great idea! We'll know later if this is possible. Annette might be in for a Christmas surprise yet. Fortunately, she doesn't know about this blog!!!! Shhhh, don't tell her!