Alcohol And Math

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I have a friend who is a mathematician. Yet for such a smart guy, he tends to drink quite a bit. Actually, he only drinks on two occasions -- when he is thirsty and when he isn't.

My computating friend does realize that he has a problem. But instead of checking into one of those alcohol rehabs, he decided to sign up with Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not sure why. I can tell that he isn't enthusiastic about the group. Instead of going to the meetings, he just sends in his empty bottles.

I can say that he has taught me a few things. For example, I now know that alcohol and calculus do not mix. So please always remember that old saying: "never drink and derive."

Drinking To Your Health

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Some people go to bars and nurse their beers. You can't miss them. They're the ones with soggy nipples. If you think this is unusual behavior, what about the new medical diagnostic procedure that a few doctors are starting to use? Let's see, how can I put this delicately? Just as a mechanic examines the exhaust emissions to troubleshoot your car problems, a few doctors want the "emissions" that their patients create in the restrooms of their local drinking establishments. These bar stools are said to reveal much more about the patient's health than samples from their home environment. Personally, I think these doctors are just looking for an excuse to make a house call at a place where they know they can get a drink and charge someone in the process.