Maxing Out My Laptop For Your Reading Pleasure

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At this moment, I am really pushing my laptop to its very limits. I have several tabs in Firefox open, with some of them periodically refreshing as I wait for updates from various sites. I'm using a voice recognition program to dictate this post into a text editor. As my system slows way down, I know that I am in a serious need of a computer memory upgrade. Between Firefox and my Speech-to-Text applications, my CPU is maxed at 100% utilization. My work will get done anyway. Still, I can't wait until I can afford a more powerful machine ... run by XP, of course.

My Big Bad Friends

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If you were to see these guys clad in their leather pants and studded black leather jackets, easing off of their big bad motorcycles, you might think that you are in the presence of some hell raisers. But I know them. They're my friends. Just guys in their 30s and 40s, enjoying a good day in the sun. And if it wasn't for the state helmets laws, they probably look even tougher sporting only motorcycle sunglasses on their graying (some balding) heads. Although ... I'm trying to picture how tough they would then look, with insect parts splattered in their teeth and on their face, and bug guts matted in what hair is remaining on their collective heads. You know what, those sunglasses will do them better as they stroll on the ground --- definitely will hide those big bad winkles.

Use for Diet Pills

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"You need to dye it, Phil," she said to the old man. "Dye it?" he responded, "Why, what color is it now?" "No," she screamed, "I said, you need diet pills!" Yeah, he needed a couple of Diet Pills right now. And he knew right where he would shove them too -- one in each of his ears.

Ever since they crossed the octogenarian threshold, the years had become less kind to them. Gravity's almost century long tug on his body had given his wrinkles wrinkles. Her eyesight had began to weaken. With her failing eyesight, she started confusing his wrinkles as fat. What bothered him was why should it matter now? One of the reasons he married her 60 years ago was so that he didn't have to worry about holding his stomach in. Oh well. Thank goodness that his hearing was weakening right along with her eyesight. It was as they say, a match made in heaven -- which, fortunately, allowed them to endure the hell that they made for each other now.

Vacation?

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During these past four days, I've eaten rather well. At least, that's what the restaurant bills from my recent trip to Georgia tell me. However when I stepped on the scales this morning, it seems I experienced a little weight loss instead. I don't want to say that these last few days were stressful but I don't know if I'd want to endure them again. Yes I had some fun moments. As an out-of-town guest, I just wasn't counting on the task of juggling everyone's schedule and trying to make sure that everyone was entertained. In any case, today I am home now and am ready to take a vacation to recover from a "vacation".

Celebrity Fun Fact Time

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All righty then! What does Oprah Winfrey and Bette Midler have in common? No, I'm not focusing on the fact that they are largely women. Well, I mean that they are women, not large women. Alright, let me throw in Elizabeth Taylor and George Forman. Throw? I'm not that strong. I better just point. Anyway, does that help you identify what they all have in common? If you're not up on your celebrity trivia then I'll tell you. They have all been reported to have used Hoodia in their body weight management. As for myself, I would have blamed the personal trainers and the personal chefs for the weight loss. But then trainers and chefs aren't known for paying celebrities for endorsements.

Ghosts Interfering With My TV

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With spring comes the warmer temperatures which are soon followed by the interference patterns on my TV. You wouldn't think that there is a direct link between these two phenomenon but sadly there is. Around my area, we have a wide variation between freezing and hot weather. All of this plays with the plastic sheathing that is inside the coax cable that runs from my antenna to my television. Eventually, the RFI Shielding is exposed and begins to start gently tapping on the copper signal wire inside the cable. It is an easy repair to the offending end by the antenna. But I thought that I would pass this along to you. If you've started noticing sporadic lines or ghost images on your television, take a look at your cable connection, especially the ones outside your house. Let me know if this helps you.

Virgin Island Fever

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Imagine being on this beckoning beach in Virgin Island. Better yet, imagine strolling on these warm, sandy shores at midnight; the moon and stars dancing on the shimmering waves; a playful ocean gently crashing on the sands as it teasingly laps warmly at your feet. A fragrant spring-like breeze plays with your flowing hair as it wraps itself around you in a moist embrace. The only way this could be more magically is by sharing this moment with someone special.

This has been on my mind a lot - an overpowering need to visit a tranquil place where I can relax far away from mind-numbing demands of my daily toils. To spend my time relaxing on Virgin Island yacht charters during sunny days; to share heavenly midnight walks on the beach with my special someone. Could life get any better than that? I submit that it could not.

Worse Than Sleeper Cells

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It's bad enough in these days of terror alerts that you have to worry about seemingly innocent people and things about you. I've recently learned that we not only have to worry about sleeper cells, we now have to be concerned with cells of sleeper sofas. What better way to take over a country than to make its citizens feel comfortable and cozy and sleepy? So while you may be a couch potato, be on your guard! Help us make sure that the terror alert never reaches code .... ZZZZZ.

The Rumor Is True

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Now I don't want any one to get excited and to read too much into my actions. Perhaps you might have heard a rumor that I have been visiting the reeds jewelers site. Well, it is true. But only because I was looking at shiny pieces of rock as a present for my gem of a girlfriend. Honest! I can't help it if a friend happened to mention that a wedding ring should cost between 2 and 3 times one's monthly salary. There are no ones in my salary and very few zeros. How many carats can you get for slightly above minimum wage? Never mind that! Why did he even bring that up?!

Honest, Dear, I was just looking! Put those shoes down and step away from the wedding dress... please?

Who Killed The ... Appetite?

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Who killed that gluttonous man known only as ... The Appetite? Who would dare take out a man who had a spicy taste for life, who relished taking on weightier matters, who had no trouble saying "fork you!" to others twice his size?

Crime experts from around the world have been called in, including the renown British inspector, Sir Loin. We understand that he plans to grill several suspects. At the top of his list are exercise fanatic, Richard Simmers and dietary author, Glen Dular. There is also a rumor that Thy Royd will supplement the investigation.

No doubt that this will become the Diet Trial of the century. So if you are a glutton for punishment, stay tuned and stay hungry!

Addictions

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There are a lot of deadly addictions that seem to strive for our very souls. Everything from food and drink to sex and money. Some even end up fighting a prescription drug addiction. The other day, somebody mentioned how they were addicted to blogging. How do you even know if you have that kind of addiction? Do you break out in a cold sweat when you see an unoccupied keyboard? If you read a newspaper, do you find yourself looking for a 'comment' icon to click on? Do you have so many blogs that you find yourself writing more words than there are in "War and Peace" on a daily basis? When someone mentions feeds, do you immediately think of RSS instead of food? When you take a number at the bakery, do you feel like Alexia and Technorati are somehow involved? If you do go for medical help, do they refrained from telling you to write down your problems? Does your doctor put you in a 12 keystroke program?

Thank goodness I don't have a blogging problem. I just like sharing lots of ideas with the Internet community every day. When my house lost power, perspiration broke out on on my forehead. But that was from air conditioning being off and not from intense feelings of dread that came over me because my cable modem was out. Yes, I know it was winter but that's beside the point. Like I said, that goodness I don't have a blogging problem.

"Second Hand Table" Quality of Life

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I think that I'm a simple man - not a simpleton, just someone who doesn't get excited about having to be a part of the latest fashion trend. By the same token, I might be at the other extreme by not caring enough. For several years now, I've practiced making do without and with what I have. Practiced? I think I've got it perfected! Take my furnishing for example. For a computer desk, I have the wooden cabinet shell of 60's era floor model TV. It's sturdy. Roomy enough that nothing falls off. I'm happy.

While my girlfriend appreciates my Thoreau-like existence, she has taste and class (yet she still loves me. Go figure). She would prefer that I upgrade my lifestyle from wooden stumps and card tables to better arrangements, something stylish like Powell furniture. I don't know. With her help, maybe I can cultivate a more prosperous mentality. I thought I was rich already by having her in my life.

Financial Reporting

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Sometimes I think we make things more complicated for ourselves than necessary. And then there are those influences outside ourselves that just add to the chaos. Our CFO was going on about all the latest financial rules and regulations imposed by the state and federal bureaucrats. After listening to a brief dissertation from him, my head hurt. I can't imagine trying to run a company without the aid of some good financial reporting software.