Listening To My Tape...worms

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Trying to remove weight by simply swallowing pills is nothing new. Over a hundred years ago, one of the fads of the day called for ingesting very effective weight loss pills that contained -- tapeworms! And if certain health risks had not prevailed (such as death), they might be on the market today.

It's not that tapeworms disappeared. They just became more mechanical. In the 70s and 80s, it was Reel-to-Reel, 8-track and cassette tapes that contained wormy music from such "artists" as Vanilla Ice and various boy bands. Repeated listening was pretty much guaranteed to help you lose your appetite. I am pretty certain that Bulimia nervosa would not have become so popular if the music industry hadn't overpromoted music groups that make you gag.

Of course these days, we no longer have tape or tapeworms. One was replaced by shiny discs and the other by shiny pills. Fortunate for us, the pills are the right size to shove in our ears. You might not lose weight, but you are certain to be much happier.

How 'Stars' Keep Their Face In Front of You

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It seems like it has been several years since I've heard anything almost resembling music from Jessica Simpson. Normally, when those claiming to be artists don't come out with something new every few months (or with someone else's material rehashed), they tend to fade from view. But not Jessica. Every Saturday, I turn on my TV and there she is pimping Proactiv acne cream. I guess if your looks can sell your warblings, perhaps they can also sell acne medicines too. Either way, you're guaranteed a paycheck for a little while longer.

The Ultimate CD Burner

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I've been involved in the electronics industry for 30 years now. During these years, my friends and family have continually asked me for advice on the latest high tech gadgetry. It's gotten to the point where friends of my friends and family are getting in contact with me with their questions. The other day someone asked me about what would be best to put their music on to CDs. They named off artists and songs that they were interested in -- groups that basically were doing terrible remixes of bad remixes of songs that were once great. After a few minutes of this conversation, it became obvious that there could only be one CD burner for them ... a fireplace.

Great Must-Have Video

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Attention! Act in the next fifteen minutes and we will send you this action packed video of the greatest Rock and Roll bloopers of all times. Watch Aerosmith do the same song five times in a row without any one noticing. See that famous moment in television history when Keith Richards accepts his posthumous award ... in person! See Mick Jagger trip on his lip and break a hip. Watch Eddie Van Halen get his fingers wrapped arpeggio style in his guitar strings. All this and much, much more.

That's right, folks, this is the ultimate in rock-n-roll bloopers! When you see these rock tumblers and bunglers, you will roll with laughter. So call now, operators are standing by (because we don't have chair for them).

related musical forms?

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I'm working to remember and relearn all the drumming techniques that were once at my command. To this end, I'm listening to a wide range of music. Yesterday, while I focused on the heavy thrash metal songs, I had an epiphany about how closely this style is to another form that is completely unrelated. If you take a song from, say, Metallica, throw in a tuba, an accordion, and a voice that didn't sound like someone gargling moist phlegm, you would have a polka tune! Granted, the words wouldn't be as uplifting as you'd expect but the fast paced beat is certainly there. Just an observation. I don't expect Metallica to be releasing an album of "by golly", "you betcha'" polka tunes any time soon ....

What Can I Say About Today!

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Ever had one of those Mondays when you wonder why you got out of bed? As you drive to work, you hear a strange noise coming from your car. You drop your precious vehicle off at the garage and later learn that the funny noise is a serious $300 to fix. At work, the project that your boss told you months ago to not worry about has suddenly become elevated to crisis status and due ... last week! At lunchtime, you realize that you didn't put your lunch into the refrigerator at work ... mainly because you left it on your kitchen counter top at home. As you drive home, the "gasoline low" light comes on. What?! Did those guys at the garage drive to Europe and back? You put in a gallon's worth of gasoline. You'd put in more but that was all the change that you were able to scourge from your car. Thank goodness you didn't clean it over the weekend!

This was pretty much my Monday today. And as I pulled into my driveway after this long, mentally taxed day, I noticed that my carport door was slightly ajar. Since there have been a few random break-ins throughout the neighborhood, I thought that I would be in for a fitting close to this Monday. Instead, much to my surprise and delight, I found a box addressed to me courtesy of PayPerPost.

I couldn't get into the house quick enough. As I opened this unexpected teal colored box, my weary, dark mood became one of excitement and curiosity. What did I find inside? Well, first of all, there were these peppermint mints. Since I was already starving, I almost consumed the entire container. (I may be passing minty fresh gas for the next week or so now.) I also discovered that PayPerPost had given me the finger. Not the one that you would associate with a rough Monday. But one of their green, oversized "we're number one dollar" fingers. Then there was the T-shirt brick that announced to the world "I used to be a stripper". (Yeah, right. If you ladies want a video of me shaking my moneymaker, send me a dollar and I'll send you a video you won't forget. My G-string accepts PayPal.) There was also this tin of a green, sticky goo. Since it was past dinnertime, my first thought was to check the forgotten recesses of my refrigerator. I was wondering what to do with the green glob when I saw the final goodie contained within this PayPerPost package of pleasure. It turns out that I was one of the lucky 100 posties to receive a "Best of" double CD collection of The Police! So you know what happened next. The preparation of dinner and this post were spent jamming to the collective groove of Sting, Summers, and Stewart. OH YEAH!

So what day is this today? It can't be Monday. Something good happened. Thank you PayPerPost!

May You Find Me On Unsigned.com Some Day

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I've had my drum set for a couple of months now. It has been a challenge trying to remember how to bounce two wooden sticks off of a rubber surface. Well, anyone can do that. The challenge lies in doing it in a rhythmic fashion and without appearing to be having a seizure (much like sex). A greater challenge still has been in finding time to practice bouncing those sticks (again, much like ... oh, never mind).

When I do get the chance to play (my drum set), I think back to the times that I was in various bands. One goal was to get good enough to get that record contract that would make us stinky rich. Of course, here I am, so you know how that turned out. While I'm not stinky, no one is call me up to go on a reunion tour either.

It's amazing what the difference of 20 years will make. Now new bands can put their works up on the Internet. To increase their popularity and their chances to recording contract, they can make use of sites focused on helping the bands make a name for themselves, like Unsigned.com. For myself, breaking into the music scene is more of a fantasy than a goal at this point. But with Unsigned.com's diverse music listings (50 genres) and with my eclectic taste in music, some day you might even find me listed under each musical style, even Trance Artists - um, cha, um, cha, um, cha, um, cha - I can handle that. And if it looks like I'm having a seizure, it's because of the lights. Can you dig it, baby? In any case, I have bookmarked Unsigned.com as a reference. If nothing else, it has a wide variety of artists to listen to. And, who knows, maybe some day, somebody's going to need a new old drummer (which is better than an old new drummer).

blue man group at RBC Center

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This post started as a reminder to myself about tickets to see Blueman Group in Raleigh. Before the tickets went on sale, Ticketmaster had them as low as $50. But never mind. Right now, seats are over $110. While I thoroughly enjoy their DVDs and CDs, I don't think that I'll be getting any closer than that for now. Maybe next time ....