need to change professions?

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:: sigh :: Extremely rough day at work. Maybe I need a different job, something that I still profit at even when I make a mistake --- like being a weatherman. Or perhaps I could open up shop as a veterinarian / taxidermist. "Sorry about Fluffy. Say, for $59.95 you can have him back in the cutest of poses..."

Protect Yourself

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Today's self-defense weapon of choice is not a concealed gun. You can't use that if you're trying to protect yourself from police officers who step over the line. You can't even use such a potent weapon on inconsiderate neighbors who think your property and sleeping hours are under their control. No, these days you have to go high-tech --- camcorders and the services of a good lawyer are the only thing left to a civilized man in an uncivilized world. Just make sure you swing that camcorder from the hip and forcefully upperwards. The lawyer will help you get off on a plea of insanity...

Cheap, Fast, Good --- pick any two

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So my aging faucet in the bathroom has developed a small leak. Just enough so that in the morning, a puddle of water has formed along the outer edge of the sink. It pools along the lip which keeps the water from cascading down the side of bathroom enclosure ... until you unexceptionably put your early morning hand into it.

The faucet is so old that the screw to get to the internal washer has rusted out. Since I'm not rich enough to buy one of the $100 Price Pfister faucets, I've come up with another cheap solution. Cheaper and quicker, in fact, than buying and installing a $5 Wal-Mart special spigots. That's right. I cut off 6 inch piece of string --- about $0.0001 worth ---, laid it along side of the faucet and into the sink. Now, the slowly leaking water wicks along to it's final destination. And I am free to continue to be as cheap as a politician spending his own money.

To The Moon

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I keep hearing discouraging stories about our lack of presence on the moon. Some blame the shortage of money and desire to mount expensive science expeditions. Others fault the extremely high start-up costs that prevent otherwise profitable mining operations on our shiny, celestial neighbor.

I think we could have quick and populated presence on the moon. It takes a simple realization of our heavenly orb for what it is: the best weight loss supplement known to man ... and woman. Just think, with a couple of day's journey, you could go from weighing 300 pounds to 50! All motion suddenly becomes effortless. No more shortness of breath and knee joint aches! An earthly fat farm could easily become an popular weight-loss lunar colony. And would you want leave your new found "slimness"? I don't think so, thus our permanent presence on the moon.

Of course, there would be restrictions. Some people would not be allowed, like supermodels who would suddenly becomes lighter than a newborn baby. All we need is for one of them to develop hiccups. Soon they would be bouncing off into space, crashing into arriving rockets. It might be fine as a pay-for-view event but we're trying to be serious here.

Oh sure, by now, a few of you are thinking, "With all those people, the gravitational attraction between the Earth and Moon will increase! Won't the Moon eventually crash into the Earth?" To you naysayers, let me say this, "How do you think we plan to move Mars closer to the Sun?" After all, the Moon is just a stepping buffet to the stars.

Maybe The Future is OK

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My girlfriend's daughter is a talented young woman. She handles Color Guard performances with the grace of a ballerina. Her officiating duties as an officer in the Future Farmers of Amercia would rival the skills of diplomats in the United Nations. Recently, she didn't even let her lack of piano lessons dissuade her from buying a book of sheet music from the movie "Twilight" and begin practicing the songs on her cousin's borrowed electronic piano.

If she is a representative of our youth -- those quietly conquering their fears, the ones who don't have the need to be in everyone's face, the ones who have decided to take responsibility for their actions instead of blaming everyone else -- then perhaps our future is going to be a good one.

all that glitters

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At one time, I thought that going through divorce is like having an amputation -- you survive but there is less of you. And then, I seemed have found someone who makes up for that 'less of me'. For the better part of this decade (and she has definitely been the better part), I've been dating the most wonderful, caring, loving woman imaginable. Sure, she would love it if I showered her in certified diamonds and the uncertified ones. But, she is interested in how we complete each other more than raw, expensive minerals. I would even give her the pricey plutonium if that would make her happy but I much prefer the natural glow that she has whenever I'm around her. My life may have suffered an amputation but I seemed to have grow into something much, much better!

Fixing Firefox 3.5

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Have you recently be excited about the new and shiny Firefox 3.5 and found yourself unable to resist the chance to upgrade? Me too! Now do you find yourself plagued by "Server Not Found" messages when you go to your favorite sites? Me too. So after after a couple days of frustrating searches which included constant "server not found" results, I've found a link which may help us:
Cannot connect after upgrading Firefox

Let me know if it works for you.....

Exercising ... sort of

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At one time, I was doing everything I could to stay in shape. But then that half century mark hit me and I thought "Should I keep exercising? After all, no pain, no pain." So I compromised and kept up my sit ups by placing the remote control between my feet. All was well until my monthly "Men's Health" magazine had an excellent, guilt-ladened article on being extremely fit by using Kettlebells --- you know, using a heavy object with handle to bend and lift and twist your muscles into positions that you gave up in your 30s --- the female equivalent of a purse. I think the article was sponsored by Bengay cream and Aleve pain killers and the story did a great job making me consider some drastic changes in my life. First, I devised my own kettlebells by freezing mugs of beer. If you don't think you'll contort to save that melting drop of heavenly nectar, then you're just not thirsty enough for your health. Secondly, I canceled my "Men's Health" subscription. I feel much better now!

Another Nail in the Business Coffin, Another Straw on the Camel's Back

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Yesterday's managers meeting was long and arduous. The highlight came as my boss and the CFO announced the new sick leave policy for us salaried folk. Before, if we had a dental appointment or the like, we knew it would be made up by all of the unpaid time that we worked. Now, that hour spent with the dear ol' doc is to be paid by deducting 4 hours out of our yearly allowance of 24 sick leave hours.

Ok, I understand that the powers-that-be want a policy in place to use against abusers of the system --- of which there are none. Still, it was the comments that our overlords made during the Q&A session. Since we are salaried, not only are we expected to put 8 hours a day but, if the work load demands 18 hours a day, then so be it --- with no compensation.

The quality manager brought up how we often don't take all of our vacation time because of the demands of work. At year's end, we lose that time. Our benevolent Overlords respond with what amounts to be "too bad."

Some of us come at 7 am to take advantage of the calm before the work load hits the fan at 8 am and leave no earlier than 4 pm. But NO! Such effective work practices are no longer allowed. Everyone is to adhere to an 8 to 5 schedule!

Sometimes I wonder how happy management would be if we had enthusiastically smiling cardboard displays of ourselves in our dim cubicles -- obediently silent and at our desks 24 hours a day. Who cares if work gets done! It's all about attitude and not being out of the plant.

Anyway, our morale takes yet another dip, the overburden camel takes the burden of yet another ridiculous straw, the business coffin gets another nail -- when the economy turns around and jobs begin popping up like wild flowers in the spring, will there be any questions about the mass exodus from our company?

Dogs vs Cats

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As I worked at my computer, I learned an important lesson today on the differences between dogs and cats. A dog will lay besides you as you work, a cat will lay on your work -- so much for that report. I can't wait until we get my daughter's cat neutered and declawed. I will have no problem living with a furry pillow that does nothing else but eat and sleep.

Diet and Exercise

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I've been thinking about expanding my writing exercises to include things like diet pill reviews. Not your ordinary type of reviews. After all, who am I to arouse your false hopes --- that's what the first four hours of a diet are for. My posts would less productive, such as "This colorful little pill goes well with rich brown gravy and a large cut of beef." Or, "This little number should be served with a fine red wine ... several glasses, in fact." Or even, "This tasty tablet will perfectly complement a balance meal, provided that balance meal is a turkey drumstick in each hand."

I don't know when I'll start with these little diddies. Hopefully, the weight won't be too long ...

Bore Me ... Please

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All-righty then, may I have a round of applause from everyone who hates clapping? I thought so. Lately, my days seem to be filled with contradictions and hypocrisies. Like those employers who preach how government should rewarding good businesses while those same employers deny their workers the rewards of their hard work. Like restaurants demanding your satisfaction for a $100 meal of a 1 ounce steak. Like companies promoting benefits of a product such as ephedra sinica while it's no longer available. But I guess without such constant brain-jarring events in our daily lives, life would be boring. You know, boring can be nice at times ....

Under-Size Me

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Have you watched the movie "Super Size Me"? It's about one man who not only eats McDonald's food for a month but gorges himself on it. At the end of the movie, he's overweight, experiencing chest pains and bad health. Gee, I wonder why.

I'm waiting for part 2, "Under Size Me". In this equally idiotic sequel, our brainless filmmaker consumes vast quantities of appetite suppressants for a month. At the end of the movie, he and his absurdities have either disappear or he becomes a super model because of his bizarre twiggy beauty that some models have --- one of the train wreck appearances that you can't stop looking at. Anyway, I'll wait for the movie to come out on DVD ... the paper thin version.

New Milestone of Life

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The talk of marriage between my girlfriend of 6 years and myself has progressed to an intense level lately. One of the main questions we are contemplating is whether we need to start looking at Wilmington NC real estate or move things to my location. It's not like it is just a simple union of her life and mine. We both have children in school and other obligations. I wish things would be easier ... but what would be the fun in that?

Adding to the Fun Called "Life"

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On top of the increased time-demanding adventures of work and the addition of my daughter and my future son-in-law into my home, I have began talking with my girlfriend of almost 7 years, the possibilities of intertwining our lives in marriage. Just talk right now. No surprising her with engagement rings, just talk.

From my understanding of women, just talking is like dangling the possibility of winning the lottery in front of someone. Fortunately, I am dating a very patient and understanding woman. I know she would say 'yes' in an instant. For my part, I have to admit that I've been practicing at drive-through's -- when they ask "Do you want fries with that?" I emphatically answer, "I DO!" Still, the union of our two very complicated lives will definitely take a very coordinated effort. Amazingly enough, she is the only woman I know that I could pull off such a feat with .... :)

Peering Into Friends

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My friend seemed rather nervous and upset yesterday as we talked during our break. It turned out that she is having a colonoscopy and an esophagogastroduodenoscopy on Monday. I couldn't help but ask if she was going to have two doctors at each end of her, trying to meet somewhere in her middle with their cameras. "What are they going to do?" I asked kidding around. "Wave at each other and say 'I see you' ?" That seemed to make her feel better. Then she talked about the industrial-strength colon cleaner outer that she had to take starting on Sunday. The way she described the medicine, it wasn't anything like a wimpy, over-the-counter Colonix. The stuff she had to take would strip the built-up grime off of old engines. So I suggested that she go sky diving naked afterwards. She could open her mouth really wide and become a human whistle. For some reason, that made her feel even better.

posting

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It is amazing how time flies when your job gets a stranglehold on your life. Yes, I should be happy that I'm not among the ranks of the unemployed. But I think my company is taking advantage of that fact.

So it has difficult to get some post into the blog-sphere. On the plus side, it has been a while since I mentioned weight loss pills. DARN IT! There goes that winning streak ...

Instrumental Learnings

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I've learned to play several instruments as the years have gone past. Well, perhaps "play" isn't the exact word we should use. I've been beaten up by more than one drum set. Guitars seem to exist simply to string me along. And I only had to play piano once in order for Steinway himself to actually appear and rub his name off of the instrument. But, like they say, practice makes perfect ... reminders of why some people shouldn't play.

Tryin' to Blog again

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Almost eight weeks of constant work with no days off has taken its toll. On here, I've found it difficult to complete any blogs post. The last was meant to be for Easter. "Three days ago, on Friday, I put the Pillsbury dough boy in the oven. I am happy to report that he has risen." I tried explaining that joke to my Hindu friend from India. But that was like trying to explain nuphedra reviews to the Amish.

My mind is mush and the day is only just beginning. :: sigh :: These posts aren't much better. Let's see what the future brings...

What are we thinking?

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What is it that makes us accept hype as gossip and follow the herd into bitter disappointment. For example, a little while ago atro phex was all the rage as an incredible weight-management, energy pill. People bought in droves until reports that energetic weight loss was really rapid sprints to the bathroom for intense bouts of colon cleansing. Since atro phex is not the first bad diet pill, you would think people would know better by now. But no. First the bitter consequences, followed by "What was I thinking?!"

Same goes with recent government intervention against those evil business people. Sounds great! Down with the evil doers! Just forget the past and don't look behind the curtain of history at the root of some of business' evil practices. That's when little items like the following to will make you say, "What are we thinking?"