Thursday, February 25, 2010
got to pass this one along
As you might know, I get $5 for putting linked phrases into posts. The good side is that I can write whatever I like with the phrases so long as I'm not vulgar or detrimental to the link. The bad side is that more and more of my assignments deal with weight products or skin care issues. How many ways can you make "weight loss" entertaining before hitting a brick wall of writer's block? Last week, I received one phrase that was almost impossible to write with. "Almost impossible" he said with a sly wink. After thinking I had reached my limits, here's what I wrote. What do you think?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Pimple Power
Even when you cross that half-century mark of age, you're still plagued by random cases of acne. The thing about these pimples is that they tend to appear all over your body. While you can find information on top acne treatment for your face, there doesn't seem to be anything for bottom acne treatment. This is understandable. You shouldn't have to worry about people seeing the pimples on your butt ... unless you live in a nudist colony.
In any case, as an adult with a obvious pimple on the end of your nose, you can have an advantage in public situations. It's not like when you were a teenager and you didn't want people fixating on your facial train wreck of a skin condition. Now, as an adult standing in front of a room full of important business people, you can count on them staring at that painful looking rhino growth. Like a hypnotic wand, you point with your nose. You direct your audience's attention with your nose. When you want your audience to unconsciously agree with you, you slowly move your nose up and down while watching your public nod their head as they track your newly acquired albeit temporary facial deformity. When that happens, you'll realize that there is power behind the pizza face!
In any case, as an adult with a obvious pimple on the end of your nose, you can have an advantage in public situations. It's not like when you were a teenager and you didn't want people fixating on your facial train wreck of a skin condition. Now, as an adult standing in front of a room full of important business people, you can count on them staring at that painful looking rhino growth. Like a hypnotic wand, you point with your nose. You direct your audience's attention with your nose. When you want your audience to unconsciously agree with you, you slowly move your nose up and down while watching your public nod their head as they track your newly acquired albeit temporary facial deformity. When that happens, you'll realize that there is power behind the pizza face!
Info Overloaded
You may have heard your friends complain that there's too much information on the Internet. And understandably so. It seems you start researching one topic and soon find yourself down the rabbit hole of something completely different. Sometimes you find yourself compelled to obey the command "click here" even though you know it's only site related to dieting.
Maybe the problem isn't so much about information overload as it is about a failure of our personal filters. We tend to surf the web like two-year olds in a toy store, bouncing from one enticing aisle to another and frustrating ourselves because we can't get to all the toys quick enough. As an adult going through the same toy store, we know what we're looking for. With a cursory glance at the endless enticing choices available, we quickly filter out what we don't want and focus on finding those desirable goodies that we wanted in the first place.
To keep us from being overwhelmed when we're using the Internet, perhaps we should use the same process of filtering. This could mean having your e-mail program automatically organize your incoming messages into descriptive folders for later viewing. Or restricting your favorite topics to one or two top-notch sites. Or better yet, using that ultimate filter --- the computer's off button.
Maybe the problem isn't so much about information overload as it is about a failure of our personal filters. We tend to surf the web like two-year olds in a toy store, bouncing from one enticing aisle to another and frustrating ourselves because we can't get to all the toys quick enough. As an adult going through the same toy store, we know what we're looking for. With a cursory glance at the endless enticing choices available, we quickly filter out what we don't want and focus on finding those desirable goodies that we wanted in the first place.
To keep us from being overwhelmed when we're using the Internet, perhaps we should use the same process of filtering. This could mean having your e-mail program automatically organize your incoming messages into descriptive folders for later viewing. Or restricting your favorite topics to one or two top-notch sites. Or better yet, using that ultimate filter --- the computer's off button.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Update on work
During the first week into December, the business numbers looked bleak compared to the company's overly optimistic and misguided projections. The owners and investors quickly implement furloughs and pay-cuts for all of us worker bees. By the end of December, the numbers turned out to be very close to their original higher-than-normal goals. Surprisingly, January turned out to be a record sales month. Now February is also looking to be much better than the numbers given to the bank. Yet, the furloughs and pay cuts remain. Kind of reminds me of a skin condition --- a 'rash' decision that has turned into a nasty eczema with festering employee resentment and rapidly decaying morale.
Business is picking up for several surrounding companies as well. With the departure of a couple more employees to these prospering businesses, this may be the medicine that kills the blundering patient.
Business is picking up for several surrounding companies as well. With the departure of a couple more employees to these prospering businesses, this may be the medicine that kills the blundering patient.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
College bound ... again
I've been asked to review Western Governors Online University's site at http://wgu.edu. This request came at a good time. I've just finished my umpth phone interview with lots of kudos about my experience. But without having all of my training and classes coalesced into one overrated piece of paper know as a degree, I keep losing out on the jobs. So what I need to do is return to college. But I don't have time and money to retake every class again. WGU states that they will let you progress through your course work at your own speed. And if you can prove that you know the material, you may be able to jump ahead. But the wording on their isn't very promising. I get the impression that you could be a qualified nurse and working on your rn to bsn online with them and still not be qualified enough to get your BSN in record time unless lots of time on your hands.
I'm looking at the IT Technology degree which requires 121 "Competency Units". WGU is expecting you to take at least 12 CU during a 6 month term at $2890 per term and devote a minimum of 20 hours per week. Yes, for 5 years of schooling, a $30,000 BS degree is cheaper than most colleges. But is it better for me? I'm going to investigate other colleges and see what else I can find in comparison.
I'm looking at the IT Technology degree which requires 121 "Competency Units". WGU is expecting you to take at least 12 CU during a 6 month term at $2890 per term and devote a minimum of 20 hours per week. Yes, for 5 years of schooling, a $30,000 BS degree is cheaper than most colleges. But is it better for me? I'm going to investigate other colleges and see what else I can find in comparison.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Feel The Burn
I have worked hard at having links without doing actual fat burner reviews. This free-form post is no exception. I write because I've been wondering what would happen if I took several fat burner pills and then exercised like crazy. Would my fat spontaneously combust? Not that anyone would be surprised since I seem to have no problem with making an ash of myself. And, in this case, I will have urned my place in the minds of many. "Remember how Ron became consumed with exercise?" "Yeah, he was on fire!"
A Spicy Post
Hi, I'm Ron and I'm an addict. Specifically, a thyme addict. I love that spice to the point of eating nothing else. And while it was one of the best unintentional weight loss products I had ever used, it became like all bad habits -- very expensive as it consumed my life. Soon I found myself going for neighbor to neighbor, getting them to lend me as much of that evil spice as possible. Shortly after that, I reached rock bottom and had to clean up my act as neighbors shunned me and my health deteriorated. But what can you expect when you live on borrowed thyme ...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The woman who lives in the shoe has sole!
So I was talking with the old lady who lives in the shoe, you know, the one that has so many children, she doesn't know what to do. No, not the octo-mom. The shoe lady wasn't able to capitalize on her kids and so her expenses are rather high. I tried to think of some helpful budgeting tips but failed. She said she thought about selling a few of her children but figured that she wouldn't get much for them. "How do you know?" I asked. She answered, "Haven't you ever heard of the phrase, 'A penny for your tots?'" That makes cents ...
Swing And A Miss
Last week, Mark McGwire owned up to using steroids during his fantastic home run streak. Of course, is there anyone who was surprised by this revelation? Even Captain Obvious didn't have to say, "Told you so!" Remember when he showed up one day and his arms were the size of two muscular children? I'm sure that no one thought that Mark has simply slipped and fallen into the best testosterone creams available or that he had been bitten by a radioactive Barry Bonds.
So now Mr. McGwire will be coaching the Cardinals' players on hitting the ball. I wonder what his advice will be? "Work hard!" "Practice a lot!" "Nah, just kidding. Here, sit on this needle..."
So now Mr. McGwire will be coaching the Cardinals' players on hitting the ball. I wonder what his advice will be? "Work hard!" "Practice a lot!" "Nah, just kidding. Here, sit on this needle..."
Meaning of A Post
Some of the comments that I have been getting lately have been, well, bizarre. They seem almost related to the post but not quite. It would be like me try to writing something funny that involves the phrase "phenterminedietpill.org" without it being a review. There's nothing funny about that phrase or at least that I've been able to come up with.
So if you read my blog, please understand that I'm just playing with words here. Sometimes, the meaning isn't quite obvious or the direction of the post isn't what you expect. But hopefully you'll get the humor ... if I didn't bury it to deep.
So if you read my blog, please understand that I'm just playing with words here. Sometimes, the meaning isn't quite obvious or the direction of the post isn't what you expect. But hopefully you'll get the humor ... if I didn't bury it to deep.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
What Comes Around
Just before I entered my pubescent years, women began burning their bras in protest for their personal freedom. Then, as I entered those hormone-raging teen years, they stopped demonstrating their need for unrestrained freedom. Just my luck!
My teenage years have long since passed. As I entered into the beginning of my second half century of life, my wild-oat yearnings of youth have been tempered with a few decades of insatiable bills, a bad spouse and never-ending work. That doesn't mean that the spark has been put out. Especially since I've learn that those women of the bra-burning era have returned to freeing themselves from their bras. But this act is only as a cheap alternative to plastic surgery and the best wrinkle lotion money can buy. Apparently, gravity helps an unrestricted chest smooth out those lines of maturity in the female face.
Maybe I should invent a bra for older women that operates like a venetian blind. I'm just not sure I want to see the testing as it takes place ...
My teenage years have long since passed. As I entered into the beginning of my second half century of life, my wild-oat yearnings of youth have been tempered with a few decades of insatiable bills, a bad spouse and never-ending work. That doesn't mean that the spark has been put out. Especially since I've learn that those women of the bra-burning era have returned to freeing themselves from their bras. But this act is only as a cheap alternative to plastic surgery and the best wrinkle lotion money can buy. Apparently, gravity helps an unrestricted chest smooth out those lines of maturity in the female face.
Maybe I should invent a bra for older women that operates like a venetian blind. I'm just not sure I want to see the testing as it takes place ...
In the Name of Public Safety
The best way to get someone to do something is with the application of FUD - fear, uncertainty and death. Unsavory advertisers sell more products that way. Unscrupulous politicians get elected that way. Face it (or get slapped), the avoidance of pain is one of the main motivating factors in human nature. You can either hide or you can something to promote safe living. You promoters know who you are. You work in law enforcement, emergency services, and disaster response. You live to make society as close to a utopia as possible without being able to criminalize the act of running with scissors.
Still, you reach a point where you can only do so much. You begin to fear that you'll be stuck in a rut unable to make substantive policy changes like your boss. You find yourself becoming uncertainty of your future (aside from definitely knowing that your life will end). Well, in that case, it is my opinion that you need an accredited, affordable masters in public safety administration. With it, you too can earn all position and prestige that you can safely handle. You will have the influence and the power to bring about much needed nannying to your fellow citizenry. Imagine being the influential cause for outlawing perilous practices such as running with scissors and those alarming acts of picking one's nose with unclean fingers (or scissors), as well as other vital bureaucratic policies! People will hold parades in your honor (if you don't get parades banned first in the name of the public interest). You can't have this kind of power with just a Bachelors degree. So think what you can do by earning your Master's in Administrator of Public Safety. I have. Just a little FUD for thought ...
Still, you reach a point where you can only do so much. You begin to fear that you'll be stuck in a rut unable to make substantive policy changes like your boss. You find yourself becoming uncertainty of your future (aside from definitely knowing that your life will end). Well, in that case, it is my opinion that you need an accredited, affordable masters in public safety administration. With it, you too can earn all position and prestige that you can safely handle. You will have the influence and the power to bring about much needed nannying to your fellow citizenry. Imagine being the influential cause for outlawing perilous practices such as running with scissors and those alarming acts of picking one's nose with unclean fingers (or scissors), as well as other vital bureaucratic policies! People will hold parades in your honor (if you don't get parades banned first in the name of the public interest). You can't have this kind of power with just a Bachelors degree. So think what you can do by earning your Master's in Administrator of Public Safety. I have. Just a little FUD for thought ...
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Sleepless in New York - can't afford the bed!
One of our sale guys just came back from New York and was given the spanish inquisition about his expenses. I don't know what planet our accountant VP lives on but apparently he knows nothing about good ol' NY city's government and their insatiable need to pile taxes upon taxes upon regular bills. More than likely, finding cheap new york hotels means looking for cardboard boxes in an dark alley or sleeping in one of the rent-a-cars. But I'm not going to say anything. It will probably become our company policy soon enough ...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Fish in a barrel
As part of last month's cost savings, the company has forced one of our top machinists to work only four days a week. Naturally, this caused his already over-burden work load to increase and project deadlines to slip further behind. Do you think our VP ended the furlong for one of his key employees? No, that would make too much sense. Instead, our illustrious VP has this vital employee working 2 hours of overtime a day during his allowed 4 days a week. That'll save some money, won't it!
Cutting into employees and their benefits seems to be this company's quick and easy fix for everything. It's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. Yet, the powers-that-be don't seem to realize that their expendable fish are in stainless steel drums. Think these businessmen will know that when their company suffers from the ricocheted bullets of ill-fated cost savings?
Cutting into employees and their benefits seems to be this company's quick and easy fix for everything. It's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. Yet, the powers-that-be don't seem to realize that their expendable fish are in stainless steel drums. Think these businessmen will know that when their company suffers from the ricocheted bullets of ill-fated cost savings?
Monday, January 04, 2010
the company slid continues
Today, our CFO hastily called a meeting to announce that he was quitting at the end of the week. He called us together to tell us because he want to make sure we understood that it had nothing to do with our company and we should not panic. It was simply a great opportunity with a bigger business. No doubt, his new company will fix his recent pay cut and then some. And we are sure that the numbers that he has been seeing in his crystal of ball of business has no bearing on his quick decision to move on.
Why is it that you can get insurance quotes to protect your car, your home, your life but not for your job? Are we worried? Could be. All I can say is that if there are any headhunters who need bodies to peddle, give me a call...
Why is it that you can get insurance quotes to protect your car, your home, your life but not for your job? Are we worried? Could be. All I can say is that if there are any headhunters who need bodies to peddle, give me a call...
the hopeful and the hopeless
Given the news and the economy, I understand the pessimists now outnumber optimists. But you probably were expecting that. Oh sure, there were plenty of people who stayed up to bring in the New Year. But there were more who stayed up to make sure the old year left! The optimist steps confidently onto the road. The pessimist makes sure that he has emergency assistance available as he looks both ways before crossing a one way street.
But I'm not that bad. You might be one of those who looks to the sky, worrying about the rain. I'm already completely soaked...
But I'm not that bad. You might be one of those who looks to the sky, worrying about the rain. I'm already completely soaked...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
2010: the year of the job
Next week should prove to be very interesting at work. That's when all of the worker furloughs and pay cuts kick in. We get to be part of that limbo where the company doesn't have to worry about unemployment payments while we worry about paying our bills. Just before we all left for the Christmas shutdown of the plant, the usual talk about family holiday trips were often coupled with words such as "employment office" and "resume recommendation". But I can say that we have a job ... mostly.
Usually, good companies are concerned about their financial health with employees being a big part of that health equation. To prevent any unexpected monetary upheaval, these companies will invest in "key man insurance". If their key person gets run over by the proverbial beer truck, the business doesn't suffer too badly. "Sorry to hear about Bob. Oh, by the way, we're a million dollars richer."
And then there is my company where the motto seems to be "employees: a necessary evil." Should a key person leave, oh well. That's another salary they don't have to pay and someone else will be blessed with the work of that vacated job in addition to their own.
2010 will be an interesting year, indeed!
Usually, good companies are concerned about their financial health with employees being a big part of that health equation. To prevent any unexpected monetary upheaval, these companies will invest in "key man insurance". If their key person gets run over by the proverbial beer truck, the business doesn't suffer too badly. "Sorry to hear about Bob. Oh, by the way, we're a million dollars richer."
And then there is my company where the motto seems to be "employees: a necessary evil." Should a key person leave, oh well. That's another salary they don't have to pay and someone else will be blessed with the work of that vacated job in addition to their own.
2010 will be an interesting year, indeed!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
An Aerial Wedding
Once upon a time, two TV antennas met on a rooftop. They knew they were met for each other because they were on the same wavelength. So naturally they fell in love. It didn't take much for the boy antenna to coax the girl into marrying him. She agreed and they sent out wedding invitations over the air waves.
On the day of the ceremony, the boy wore his best bow tie arrangement. While the wedding ceremony was stiff and boring, their reception was excellent.
On the day of the ceremony, the boy wore his best bow tie arrangement. While the wedding ceremony was stiff and boring, their reception was excellent.
My DIY Project
Some health conscious people jump out of bed and touch their toes. I used to roll out of bed and count my mine until it got too difficult to lean forward without falling over. Oh sure, I could add some weight loss supplements to my diet but that would interfere with my do-it-yourself project. Right now when I sit down, I have an instant place to put my dinner plate. A few more pounds and I have a cup holder too.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
frustrating
With our recent cut in pay at work, everyone is looking for some quick and easy way to fill in the gaps. Since jobs are not plentiful in our area, one friend is now working hard to get his VA disability increased to 100%. Another friend near retirement believes she can get social security disability and quit all the nonsense at work.
I feel bad that they are hoping to take advantage of government system in order to survive. Then again, they have given a lot to the government and the company, only to be treated like garbage. It's depressing to think that those who created various messes are able to make everyone else pay for those mistakes.
I feel bad that they are hoping to take advantage of government system in order to survive. Then again, they have given a lot to the government and the company, only to be treated like garbage. It's depressing to think that those who created various messes are able to make everyone else pay for those mistakes.
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