Moving means ..

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... getting rid of junk that you've spent years accumulating. Of course, to you none of it is junk. Every tarnished spoon and broken ceramic piece has an important memory attached to it. They are tokens of faded thoughts that recall the fun while forgetting the pain of those moments. They are trinkets that make you believe times weren't as unbearable as they seemed then.

But that was then. Today, you want to move on to bigger and, hopefully, better times. Today, you take those memories and put them on wabbly tables with paper tags for the world to see. Today, you deface several telephone poles in your neighborhood with a poster printing those car-screeching words "Yard Sale! Everything must go!" Today, you resist that overpowering urge to do a background check on every bargain seeker that stops in your yard. You have to trust that your memories will either end up in good homes or bring terrible nightmares to the new owners. Today, you move on ...

ah, vacation. what?! no vacation?

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I can't wait for tomorrow when I start my vacation. Time to catch up on household affairs, spend time with my son to learn his plans for his senior year and beyond, start some delayed personal projects. Wait, what?! Last Monday was the start of my vacation?!!! It can't be! I haven't made a dent in anything! Where did the time go? This isn't fair ... Am I to be doomed to a life of slavish devotion to everyone's elses projects? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Complicated Sells

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Sometimes we make things more complicated and expensive than they need to be. I don't know why. Maybe we just don't trust anything that seems to easy to do. This would explain why the "some installation required" instructions do an excellent job of frustrating us.

I mention this because I had to go to a site called dietsthatwork.net. The site covers all the famous diets except the granddaddy of them all, that simple "eat less, exercise more" one. Now I know why I'm not rich. I'm not selling complicated solutions.

Banking Crisis Cause..

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One of the best insurance quotes ever is when Jack Benny said, "I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too." Of course, when Mr. Benny died, Prudential didn't go out of business. Guess he didn't have that much life insurance. But maybe Jack's quote gives a clue about the real cause of banking crisis. I'm betting that Bill Gates made a 'small' withdrawal.

forward, always forward

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Here I am, three years and over 600 assignments later. A few days ago I received notification to be excited about a boat load of new assignments that were soon to be released. I would be excited yet the work has become a barge of off-the-wall product names (although some like "adipex p" sounds more like a drug test at a weight lifting competition), lotions for various body parts, and so many dieting terms that my blogs should be classifed anorexic. For now, the work is helping me as I struggle to care for myself and 3 other families. I don't mean to complain. But I'm looking forward to when things will be much better.

sometimes you've got to get up pretty oily in the morning

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Accidents happen. Someone has to pay the medical bills. Thanks to Workers Compensation laws, your boss gets to cover your injuries regardless of whose stupidity or greed cause those accidents in the first place. For a time this was great news as long as you weren't working on a ship at sea. Then, in the 1970's came the Jones act to cover maritime workers. Fortunate for the BP employees on "Deepwater Horizon", they'll be covered by the Louisiana Jones Act. Still, why were they digging a mile under water at all? Turns out, most of the 'safe' oil is outlawed from drilling. And the sweet, sweet crude that isn't protected is running out. What's an oil company to do but go with unproven technology and explore the riskier, deeper planetary resources.

The good news is that BP is an evil oil company which will be forced to pay for its mistakes. Had it been an evil bank, we taxpayers would be paying ...

certs in ... no retsyn

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You have to take Certs to keep your breath fresh. You have to have certs (certification) to get ahead in the job market. If you have both, you are that much better than me.

I got the results of my certs test a few days ago. I did well in 2 out of 3 areas. That same day, I had 2 out of 3 tell me my breath was fine. But it only takes one part to keep you from getting that good job ... or that great kiss.

I'm studying again. Next time, I'll even take some Certs with me!

Close the door! A bit of privacy please?!

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The uproar lately has been concerning Facebook's privacy or lack-thereof. Mashable.com has just published a list of 5 tips that everyone should set in their Facebook accounts. Here's that vital list.

gift for me?

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What can you get me for a Father's Day and/or as a wedding present? I'm about to combine my family with my fiancée's which means we are putting together a combined fifty years of accumulated ... stuff. There is a DuraMax DuraMate 8x8 Vinyl Storage Shed Kit 00314 which would be a good start for me. Not to store possessions in. I just think I'm going to need a man-cave for me to hide in ...

video games

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My fellow engineer looks a bit like Ralphie from "The Christmas Story" but is unlikely to shoot his eye out with a BB gun (with one of his new robotic design is another story). He is extremely hard-working, not one for fun and games during working hours. So he completely surprised me when he bounded in with his new toy, a Sony VAIO and proceeded to show this great gaming site, steampowered.com which has popular games for the PC and Mac, several around $10.

Though part of my professional career was spent repairing the early video games, I just haven't had time or the money to play this decade's gaming systems. But now, I don't have an excuse not to buy at least buy some of the good games that I've been wanting to play. Now if I could find a site that gives me free time ...

My Little Niece

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My niece is expecting her second litter of children - twins - in July. While she has been very anxious about these new additions to her family, she lives just a few minutes from Nashville where the hospitals and doctors are all top-notch. (They even have guitar-playing singers during delivery belting out tunes such as "Hockey Tonk Diapers", "My Baby's Leaving Me (so cut the cord already)", and "The C-Section Saga") Still, the developing babies were taking a toll on her even though she has been faithful following doctor's orders of getting lots of rest, eating well, and taking prenatal vitamins.

Then the floods hit Nashville a few days ago. (No, her water did not break!) Her body, not accustomed to the increase blood system in system, went into labor just as waters buried the roads to the hospital. She was in such a state that the emergency crews had to airlift her to the Nashville Medical Center. (What some people will do for a free helicopter ride!) The medical team pumped her full of drugs to try and stop the contractions. They also injected her with enough steroids to make several athletes jealous. But in my niece's case, the steroids are to speed up the development of the babies' lungs. Fortunately, she not competing in the Olympics any time soon. But I am buying a set of weights for the twins after they're born.

On Friday, the hospital sent my niece home and confined her to her bed. Monday, we'll learn about the blood test that determine if the doctors will take the babies prematurely. We're all hoping for the best. A few more weeks of womb service would do the babies good.

The Line between Lazy and Barely Motivated

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A friend said that he would go on "The Biggest Loser" if they didn't make you work out so much. What? I'm not saying he's lazy. But his concern for his weight only extends to searching for diets that work while he doesn't. He's the kind of guy who puts popcorn in his pancakes. Not only does this save him the work of flipping his pancakes but this gives he a reason to add extra butter for the popcorn.

Obama's promise of a threat

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I just watched Mr. Obama give his speech at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. He promised the Jonas Brothers that, if they tried to take out his daughters, he would have them taken out by a Predator drone. I rarely agree with anything Mr. Obama says but here is the first time that he has an issue that I completely support. In fact, why wait, Mr. Obama, for your daughters to even remotely approached by the Jonas Brothers?! I say, strike first and spare us all!

Huh?

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Sometimes I have to wonder about sites that I'm sent to. Take this one linked to abs workout. I deal with various foreign sites at my day job and Google Translator does a great job of giving the English version of different languages. But "abs" site not only has untranslatable paragraph starting with "Quisque eget turpis erat." but it has this paragraph three times. Click on the "abs workout" or "about us" page and you get repeats of the home page. What is the point of type of web site?

E-everything

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Now-a-days, when someone finds an 'e' or 'i' in front of a common placed noun, they automatically think of the Internet or computers or something related to electronics. When my daughter returned from the local tobacco shop, she said they were selling e-cigarettes. She had no idea what they were and thought I might know since I'm electronic/computer engineer and must know everything (because I'm her dad). e-cigarettes? Is that something you smoke online? Or a cigarette you send by electronic mail? No, it seems that cigarettes have been invaded by the electronic world to give you a simulated smoke sensation. That's great! I can't wait until dieters can feast on e-food for that simulated eating sensation.

When Now?

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I've know Mela for 10 years now. Her husband was great friends with all of us at work during that time. Last year, divorce proceeding entered the picture and we find ourselves missing him. Then, last month, Mela announced that she had been some new guy since Christmas and they were going to get married. While we are happy for her, it seemed a bit quick. Besides, we haven't finished mourning their break-up and the loss of her now ex-hubby.

Today, she went around work showing off a new, beautiful, expensive engagement ring. Mela then raved about big plans to honeymoon in the Bahamas. Yeah, nice. Anger was the only emotion I felt when I saw the shiny piece of metalized gems and heard about her plans. She's been seeing this guy for less than 6 months and I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 8 years now. My girlfriend and I are planning on getting married this year. But still, between taking care of 3 households, not only can't I afford a wedding ring, I can't even consider paying for a honeymoon trip. I'm have to cater to everyone's financial needs at the expense of my wants to please a gorgeous, wonderful woman. What am I going to do?

Don't ask if you don't want to know

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It has been a few years since I've walked into the plant's production area and found the workers excited, really excited about their task at hand. Yet, there they were, mouths curved into wicked grins, eyes glowing as pent-up anger began to vent, hands furiously scribbled pen to paper.

Writing isn't one of their normal production activities but today was different. Today, our human resource lady had handed out "employee satisfaction survey" forms. The explosion of frustration with management was about to make the recent eruption of Icelandic volcano look like a tiny firecracker. You could tell just by the way these normally sedate women attacked the few lines for comments at the end of the 3 page survey. Not only did the workers pass along a couple of timely suggestions, some took the opportunity to completely fill the back blank side of the page.

I eagerly filled out my form shortly after receiving it. But I couldn't add any comments. Though the paperwork didn't want your name, it did want you to identify which area you worked in, your general job label, and whether you were hourly or salary. With 80 of us still employed, it wouldn't take the genius of Sherlock Holmes to figure which comments were mine. I don't think management would fire me immediately. Chances are they would just hold a grudge, one of those long, lingering, festering grudges that get acted on when the time is right.

The question is will the top dogs share the results when they finish compiling the surveys? How will they react to the unleashed resentment of their 'highly valued' employees? Will most of us still have our jobs in the coming months? The adventures continue ...

the remarrying sage continues

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One advantage of marrying someone who has been around a few decades is that you get to combine all of your stuff. This combining process seems to involve a lot of steps. For my part, I will be getting a step-son, 3 step-daughters, and, from my bride-to-be's garage, a step-ladder (which is a good thing because I don't get along with my real ladder).

I'm also getting things I've never had before such as outdoor furniture. Originally, after spending much of my youth in New Hampshire, I thought an outdoor chair was just a dead log that you sat on in the middle of the woods. Using outdoor cushions meant wearing a couple layers of long johns, a pair or two of wool pants and a down coat stuff with a few million duck feathers. Apparently, I've missed out on the finer things of life. But that is what happens when you both go into marriage for a second time -- it is the triumph of hope over experience. Wish me luck.

You Snooze, You Lose

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Sorry, Heidi Klum, but it's over. Jessica Simpson, you took too long. You had your chance too, Jessica Alba, but there's nothing you can do now. To all the super models and hot actresses, I have to tell you that I waited as long as I could as a single man. But now, I've committed myself to an even hotter star, a most magnificent super model beyond all imagining. That's right. I am to be wedded to the most wonderful, supportive woman possible. In the world of wedding cake toppers, I would be the groom swooned on one knee and she would be the heavenly angel cupping my enraptured face in her graceful hand.

So you other girls can dry your tears. You had your opportunity but another far more gorgeous creature has captured my heart and soul. Of course, if you are happy about my upcoming nuptials, you can send your well-wishes wrapped in tinsel and bows. I also accept VISA and Mastercard.

The Good Old Days?

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Michael Ramirez has to be one of the most insightful cartoonist around!