In the Name of Public Safety

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The best way to get someone to do something is with the application of FUD - fear, uncertainty and death. Unsavory advertisers sell more products that way. Unscrupulous politicians get elected that way. Face it (or get slapped), the avoidance of pain is one of the main motivating factors in human nature. You can either hide or you can something to promote safe living. You promoters know who you are. You work in law enforcement, emergency services, and disaster response. You live to make society as close to a utopia as possible without being able to criminalize the act of running with scissors.

Still, you reach a point where you can only do so much. You begin to fear that you'll be stuck in a rut unable to make substantive policy changes like your boss. You find yourself becoming uncertainty of your future (aside from definitely knowing that your life will end). Well, in that case, it is my opinion that you need an accredited, affordable masters in public safety administration. With it, you too can earn all position and prestige that you can safely handle. You will have the influence and the power to bring about much needed nannying to your fellow citizenry. Imagine being the influential cause for outlawing perilous practices such as running with scissors and those alarming acts of picking one's nose with unclean fingers (or scissors), as well as other vital bureaucratic policies! People will hold parades in your honor (if you don't get parades banned first in the name of the public interest). You can't have this kind of power with just a Bachelors degree. So think what you can do by earning your Master's in Administrator of Public Safety. I have. Just a little FUD for thought ...

Sleepless in New York - can't afford the bed!

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One of our sale guys just came back from New York and was given the spanish inquisition about his expenses. I don't know what planet our accountant VP lives on but apparently he knows nothing about good ol' NY city's government and their insatiable need to pile taxes upon taxes upon regular bills. More than likely, finding cheap new york hotels means looking for cardboard boxes in an dark alley or sleeping in one of the rent-a-cars. But I'm not going to say anything. It will probably become our company policy soon enough ...

Fish in a barrel

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As part of last month's cost savings, the company has forced one of our top machinists to work only four days a week. Naturally, this caused his already over-burden work load to increase and project deadlines to slip further behind. Do you think our VP ended the furlong for one of his key employees? No, that would make too much sense. Instead, our illustrious VP has this vital employee working 2 hours of overtime a day during his allowed 4 days a week. That'll save some money, won't it!

Cutting into employees and their benefits seems to be this company's quick and easy fix for everything. It's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. Yet, the powers-that-be don't seem to realize that their expendable fish are in stainless steel drums. Think these businessmen will know that when their company suffers from the ricocheted bullets of ill-fated cost savings?

the company slid continues

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Today, our CFO hastily called a meeting to announce that he was quitting at the end of the week. He called us together to tell us because he want to make sure we understood that it had nothing to do with our company and we should not panic. It was simply a great opportunity with a bigger business. No doubt, his new company will fix his recent pay cut and then some. And we are sure that the numbers that he has been seeing in his crystal of ball of business has no bearing on his quick decision to move on.

Why is it that you can get insurance quotes to protect your car, your home, your life but not for your job? Are we worried? Could be. All I can say is that if there are any headhunters who need bodies to peddle, give me a call...

the hopeful and the hopeless

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Given the news and the economy, I understand the pessimists now outnumber optimists. But you probably were expecting that. Oh sure, there were plenty of people who stayed up to bring in the New Year. But there were more who stayed up to make sure the old year left! The optimist steps confidently onto the road. The pessimist makes sure that he has emergency assistance available as he looks both ways before crossing a one way street.

But I'm not that bad. You might be one of those who looks to the sky, worrying about the rain. I'm already completely soaked...

2010: the year of the job

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Next week should prove to be very interesting at work. That's when all of the worker furloughs and pay cuts kick in. We get to be part of that limbo where the company doesn't have to worry about unemployment payments while we worry about paying our bills. Just before we all left for the Christmas shutdown of the plant, the usual talk about family holiday trips were often coupled with words such as "employment office" and "resume recommendation". But I can say that we have a job ... mostly.

Usually, good companies are concerned about their financial health with employees being a big part of that health equation. To prevent any unexpected monetary upheaval, these companies will invest in "key man insurance". If their key person gets run over by the proverbial beer truck, the business doesn't suffer too badly. "Sorry to hear about Bob. Oh, by the way, we're a million dollars richer."

And then there is my company where the motto seems to be "employees: a necessary evil." Should a key person leave, oh well. That's another salary they don't have to pay and someone else will be blessed with the work of that vacated job in addition to their own.

2010 will be an interesting year, indeed!

An Aerial Wedding

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Once upon a time, two TV antennas met on a rooftop. They knew they were met for each other because they were on the same wavelength. So naturally they fell in love. It didn't take much for the boy antenna to coax the girl into marrying him. She agreed and they sent out wedding invitations over the air waves.

On the day of the ceremony, the boy wore his best bow tie arrangement. While the wedding ceremony was stiff and boring, their reception was excellent.

My DIY Project

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Some health conscious people jump out of bed and touch their toes. I used to roll out of bed and count my mine until it got too difficult to lean forward without falling over. Oh sure, I could add some weight loss supplements to my diet but that would interfere with my do-it-yourself project. Right now when I sit down, I have an instant place to put my dinner plate. A few more pounds and I have a cup holder too.

frustrating

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With our recent cut in pay at work, everyone is looking for some quick and easy way to fill in the gaps. Since jobs are not plentiful in our area, one friend is now working hard to get his VA disability increased to 100%. Another friend near retirement believes she can get social security disability and quit all the nonsense at work.

I feel bad that they are hoping to take advantage of government system in order to survive. Then again, they have given a lot to the government and the company, only to be treated like garbage. It's depressing to think that those who created various messes are able to make everyone else pay for those mistakes.

knit one, job two

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Last Friday, we received news at work that our pay had been cut and some employees would only be allowed to work 3 or 4 days a week. Fortunately, I had put a much needed car wash for my ride in my already stretched budget.

Yes, after getting our great news, I debated about foregoing the car cleaning. But my baby needed a bath. And I needed to look around one of my favorite stores - circuit city.

When I arrived at the wash, I discovered that the circuit city next door had closed. In its place was a sewing and knitting store. Just not the same. I used to meander amongst the thousands of shiny electronics gadgets that I would never buy while my sweet ride got a wash. This time, I meandered among yarn and needles and old women discussing the best stitch to use. It was almost like being in hell. But I made the best of it. I asked for a job application. A job is a job. Those bills aren't going to pay themselves. And I am such a knit-wit in any case ...

What's the Difference between a Cougar and a Leopard

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It is a great time to be a young man in your twenties. Down in panama city florida, the ratio of rich women in their forties and fifties far out pace the number of desirable, boyish bachelors.

But this is Florida. Lots of old people about. For those of us men in our 40s and 50s, we get to watch and laugh as these cougars go after their prey. Funnier still is watching those young men realize that there is a difference between a cougar and a leopard --- liver spots. And no amount of money is going to hide those ...

It was one of those days...

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As a boss, he was overwhelming as he sat behind a huge oak desk that had once been a proud forest. Now, this shiny assemblage of lumber put an extremely aggressive man of business at an intimidating distance from anyone who had the unfortunate task of sitting in front of him. He was the kind of terrifying person that not only tapped his desk out of impatience but had also tapped his desk with a few large, extravagant Grohe faucets. No one knows what pricey liquid would pour such unusual desk pieces. The fear was more about one of the faucet being used as a weapon should you not have the answers that this frightening man would demand.

But I wasn't worried. I knew about his darkest secret. I knew about his overpowering weakness .... small, cute, fuzzy bunnies! At our meeting, I left nothing to chance. I wore the pink, plushy bunny bathroom slippers with my fuzzy, business black rabbit suit complete with a hare-raising wig. He looked sternly at me and asked, "So you think you can work for me?!" I answered defiantly, "I'm game." So he shot me...

the Fourth Energy Source

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There are four states of matter: liquid, solid, gas and plasma. In our ever vigilant quest to control nature, our species has done a great job making the first three into cheap, readily available energy sources. Plasma has been a little trickier to have at the home level. You need the nuclear heat of a sun and some way of containing the plasma so you and your neighbors don't become a crispy critters. But soon, some genius will invent safe plasma mounts for home use. And you'll be able to tell who has this energy source in their home. "Remember the Johnson's? Well, they really glow now."

pink belly

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Not all of my friends can be considered potential PHD graduates of Ivy League schools. One friend proved this while trying to solve a pool diving problem. He enjoys jumping from the top of a slide that towers over his swimming pool. The problem is that the crowd-pleasing belly flops from 10 feet up cause him a very painful pink belly condition. He blames the water for being too hard to give way as he crash on to its moist surface. His solution? He poured a few gallons of water softener into his pool. I don't think it worked because on his next dive, he bounced a couple of times on top of water before finally sinking in a pool of pain and curses...

Funny Word

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We have some funny words in our language. Well, it's more how they are used that makes them laughable. For example, as I watch TV last night, the latest election results kept interrupting otherwise good shows. Then one of the talking heads made the comment that voters had enfranchised a certain city with the right to take more of everyone's money for the construction of a statue of some hometown hero who died a couple of centuries ago.

I looked up en⋅fran⋅chise. One definition is "to endow a city, constituency, etc. with municipal or parliamentary rights." Ok, so far, so good. Part two of the definition is "to set free; liberate, as from slavery."

The last time I checked, slavery meant working hard only to surrender the fruits of your labor to someone else. So, a majority of the voters managed to enfranchise their government while disenfranchising the rest of their fellow citizens. Sadly, this happened in America. And to think we're worried about the Taliban taking our freedoms away...

Don't kiss this guy!

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Just in time for Halloween: Sean Murphy of Lansing, Michigan stuffed 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches in his mouth, thereby breaking the Guinness world record. Of course, any cockroach will hiss given the right amount of butter, heat, and a good frying pan. Sadly, no one gave Sean a congratulatory slap on the back during this news-making event --- I for one, would have paid good money see Mr. Murphy set the record for accidentally swallowing the most cockroaches.

And so, here is the video... the 'roach clip if you will (sometime words and phrases come together so well that I need 'term insurance' in case someone gets over punned by emotions ....)

SEMA 2009

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The scramble is on! In couple of weeks, the annual Specialty Equipment Market Association (SEMA) show in Las Vegas takes place. Every year, my company has a booth to show off our latest and greatest car and truck accessories. The sad part is watching our technicians work feverishly to do and undo change requests from the marketing department who doesn't have an idea of the amount of work it takes to meet their demands. This year we have even less technical staff than ever. But this doesn't stop our marketing gang from wanting to build the Giza pyramid in less than two weeks and without spending a penny.

As important as this show is, my company rarely sends a engineer along to scope out the latest technological offers. All we get are the complaints that we not doing enough to come up with new gadgets. And that's unfair. Just because the adult film awards are going on at the same time and in the same building, that doesn't mean we wouldn't come up, that is, derive new ideas. People just might end up enjoying our accessories and their drive a little more than they should.

Today I noticed

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Today I noticed that when you shorten an automobile, you get a "Smart car". But when you shorten a bus, it becomes "special" ...

Blogging downturn?

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Over the past couple of years, I have not pursued the art of continually making my blogs popular to the Internet readership. Somehow, the demands of keeping my day job and caring for a couple of other families has pretty much erased 'free time' to pursue my desires. As a result, my blogs have slipped in readership. I suppose I could submit my sites to several of the free directory services that have popped up now. Or I could wait until that day when everything can take care of itself and I can get back to my own self interests. Some day perhaps ...

Medical Travel

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A few years ago, NPR did a series on the high cost of medical practices in America. One piece that caught my attention was on medical travel --- people traveling to another country, getting their surgery taken care of in a safe, sterile hospital and end up spending less money than what what they would have getting things done at home with their insurance deductibles. Several Asian countries are actually setting facilities to handle this influx of demand from Americans. AND they -- the doctors, the hospitals, the care givers --- are making profits. How they can do this with efficiencies that revival the DMV, with the costs and red-tape that best any Amereican government agency, and without the nanny-state regulations we have here?