Well, I have returned my youngest son back to his other home. We had a good time while we were together here. But he seems to have a cap on himself as to what he can enjoy and what he can’t. When asked if he’d like to come back again he said, "Yeah maybe". When asked if he wanted to go back, he said, "Yes I have to take care of my chores."
I spoke with my daughter about his conversations with himself. She said that they have been working with him to try and stop him. I need talk to my ex and see if we need to get some counseling for him. I saw his last report card where he has failed science and language arts, his first two classes of the day. In the comments section, the teacher had written that he is often sleepy and unable to concentrate. My daughter said that she had gotten him to bed early and made sure that he was asleep. But think a lot of it has to do with his diet and his size. At this moment, he is as tall as I am but is also 50 pounds heavier.
I put his school picture up on the wall with the pages of my other children. I have it next to the picture that I took of him when he was five. In that picture he has a smile an excitement in his eyes. In his school picture, his smile is forced, his eyes have a look of someone who’s not sure of his surroundings. What am I going to do????
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
my son is here
For almost three years, I would leave right after work on Friday and travel 300 miles to be with my children for the weekend. Sunday afternoon would find me back on the road returning to my other home. The hardest part of the journey was saying good bye to my children, especially my youngest son who didn't understand why I had to leave. One time, he clenched his hands together, got on his knees and pleaded for me to stay. My heart broke through that entire trip. If I could have found a job that would support my family, I would probably be there today. But that didn't happen and the woman that I had pledged my life to did nothing to help the situation.
Anyway, four years ago, those trips became every other month as I struggled through the divorce. Nightly phone calls to my children helped but they can't replace being there. Yesterday, I picked up my youngest (who is now 14) and brought him 300 miles to be with me this week. Hopefully to build what I couldn't when we were apart. This trip turned out to be the beginning of an adventure.
My ex has decided to be a trucker, which is fine. I'm glad that she is FINALLY working instead of being a moocher. The downside is that she has passed my youngest son onto my oldest, my daughter, my pride and joy. But she shouldn't have to play mother. And she shouldn't have had to put up with what I found upon my arrival yesterday. I discovered that the water pump to the pitiful trailer that they are renting from my ex-brother-in-law had died a few days ago. So they have been filling buckets of water from another trailer to use. This is no situation for my youngest to be in. So, instead of spending the night so that I could be with my other two children, he and I left and arrived here at two this morning. At
Observing some of his mannerisms today has me worried. In one case, he frequently talks to himself in a low mumble. Often it seems as though he is answering questions. When I ask him what he said, he replies, "Nothing." We talked about it a little bit and he realizes that he does it. He says that he is alone a lot and feels lonely and talking aloud makes him feel better. I can understand that. Since I'm alone a lot, I've found myself carrying on conversations half aloud. Perhaps I have a defect and I've passed on to him.
The other thing that I noticed today is how he carries on two conversations with neighbors that we met. When he was very young, he was very friendly and outgoing. He had no problem walking up to strangers and starting conversations even though his speech wasn't very clear. His enunciation still isn't good. But his replies people are almost too quick in answering and his tone could be mistaken as accusatory and rude. I don't know. More to follow about this week...
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Father's Day
Had my father been alive today, we would have celebrated his 74th birthday. But since he died at the ripe age of 57, all I can do is think about what might have transpired between the two of us. Yes, I have a lot of regrets now. During my high school years, he would come home after a long day and I would hear my mother or my sisters say, “ Dad’s home!” The idiot that I was would remain in my room and wouldn’t see him until supper. I didn’t realize how will important it is to have your children acknowledge your existence, that is until they didn’t say “happy father’s day” or “happy birthday”.
My girlfriend surprised me today. She woke me up with fresh coffee and breakfast from McDonald’s. I now realize that the she bought the meal with money that I gave her for gas so that she could come and visit me. Still, it’s the thought and the effort that touched me. Shortly after our breakfast, she returned to her home to celebrate father stayed with her dad. And I headed out to pick up my youngest and spend some time with my children. Only my oldest son mentioned anything about father’s day. Of course, only a really good father can have permission to feel hurt by his other children’s forgetfulness.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Pizza dough for humor
Have you ever seen old pizza dough? Today at work, I watched what happens as a tray of dough reaches the end of its shelf life. Image a nine inch patty of dough that used to be white, now grayish and growing tumorous-looking bubbles. There it is, sitting, waiting to be made into a pizza. Yum! I ask my manager if I should throw it out. Touting the Domino’s policy, she said, “No, they need to be saved.” Saved? I could only say, “Well, you can take it to church but I don’t think that that will do it any good.” Then I pointed my finger at the dough and asked sternly, “Have you accepted Jesus as your lord and savior? Yes, I know YOU are risen but that’s not the same.” I turned to my manager who was now looking at me with open mouth look of astonishment. “We could baptize it if you’d like,” I said, “but I think we’re dealing with heathen!”
Now I’ve only worked with this manager a few days over the past couple of weeks. She thinks that I’m a quiet, hard-working kind of guy. But being an introvert has its advantages, especially when you say and act completely unexpected. And then you get to sit back and watch them connect the dots of the joke in their mind. Some do it slower than others. I think that they aren’t completely sure if I’m serious or joking. When they realize that it is a joke, their face lights up with such sheer joy that it is a wonder to watch. After hearing about all of her frustrations from that week, her laughter was rewarding. I like it when I can be a pleasant change of pace.
Now I’ve only worked with this manager a few days over the past couple of weeks. She thinks that I’m a quiet, hard-working kind of guy. But being an introvert has its advantages, especially when you say and act completely unexpected. And then you get to sit back and watch them connect the dots of the joke in their mind. Some do it slower than others. I think that they aren’t completely sure if I’m serious or joking. When they realize that it is a joke, their face lights up with such sheer joy that it is a wonder to watch. After hearing about all of her frustrations from that week, her laughter was rewarding. I like it when I can be a pleasant change of pace.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
blog by speech to text
The way things have gone these past couple of days it is no wonder that people believe in superstition. I received a letter from the IRS. Not the one with the $24,000 check that they owe me. No, it's a bill for $5,000. This is after my car has started making an intermittant metallic buzzing noise. Not a good sound... Today I was such a klutz, tripping up the stairs and falling all over myself. There was something else but I can’t recall at the moment. All I want right now is to sleep. I better stop this posting before it becomes a whining session. Oops, too late. So I’ll leave this as it is for now and get to bed. I see that my girlfriend has signed on but I don’t want to hear any of her drama at the moment.
Ok, I need to write about one good event. OH! I dictated this posting into my blog. Surprisingly, it only needed a few corrections. This method of blogging could be promising!
Ok, I need to write about one good event. OH! I dictated this posting into my blog. Surprisingly, it only needed a few corrections. This method of blogging could be promising!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
to sketch for money or ...
A friend emailed me to ask how much I would charge to do a portrait for her salon. 
Charge? I know that she has seen my work of years gone by. But, could I do something like that now? And charge her for it? She's not a close friend but her friendship is important enough that I don't want to ruin it with a bad picture that she feels obligated to buy.
Looking through my old sketches, I found this picture that you're looking at that I did about five years ago. Could I draw something this again? At the moment, the thought overwhelms me --- the planning, the pre-work, the time needed. Lately, I feel like I've let yet another possible skill die. And to justify charging money? In the past, I've undercut myself to the point of not being profitable. I guess that's why agents were created.
I haven't answered my friend yet. It's kind of embarassing to tell someone, "Yeah, I'd love to do a portrait for you but I haven't drawn in a couple of years and I have tremendous doubts about my ability to meet your expectations." You got to be very humble to lay yourself open like that to someone --- and very trusting. I'm just beginning to get the ability to trust back. I think that I ........
Charge? I know that she has seen my work of years gone by. But, could I do something like that now? And charge her for it? She's not a close friend but her friendship is important enough that I don't want to ruin it with a bad picture that she feels obligated to buy.Looking through my old sketches, I found this picture that you're looking at that I did about five years ago. Could I draw something this again? At the moment, the thought overwhelms me --- the planning, the pre-work, the time needed. Lately, I feel like I've let yet another possible skill die. And to justify charging money? In the past, I've undercut myself to the point of not being profitable. I guess that's why agents were created.
I haven't answered my friend yet. It's kind of embarassing to tell someone, "Yeah, I'd love to do a portrait for you but I haven't drawn in a couple of years and I have tremendous doubts about my ability to meet your expectations." You got to be very humble to lay yourself open like that to someone --- and very trusting. I'm just beginning to get the ability to trust back. I think that I ........
Monday, May 29, 2006
remembering Memorial Day
Today we remember all those that gave their lives for their country. Whether willingly or bound by slavery that military services demands, these people had their lives taken so that we can live as free citizens of a great country. I know this is true because our politicians remind us of this often; more so during election years. Why, if it wasn't for the brave souls in World War II, we could be living under the influence of Nazism -- the idea that you can have private ownership of property with the government controlling how you use it. Fortunately, decades after that terrible war, Joe Citizen can buy a pickup truck in America and proudly park it in his driveway ... provided that community laws allow him to do so. Ok then, bad example. He can fix his house and rightly show his individual tastes ... in keeping with rigid zoning restrictions of course. Ok, forget that then. Ah, what about the brave veterans who fought the communists in Vietnam? What about our battles of the cold war to prevent a government from saying, "We have a right to the hard earned fruits of your blood, sweat and tears. It belongs to all of us." Thank God, we don't have to worry about such thievery. When our federal officials said they need our money to study the sex lives of fruit flies, we said .... Um, ok, when the North Carolina legislative body said that they were going to take our money to fund a tea pot museum, we ... never mind that. Who needs economic freedom when we have our personal freedom! Why, two consenting adults --- a man and a woman can enjoy each other's pleasures without fear of arrest. Well, there was that couple in Arkansas and another in Georgia... Alright then, who needs personal freedom when you live in the greatest country in the world! So what if your money is not entirely yours and your life isn't complete under your control. If we were responsible people, we wouldn't need to be told how to live our lives now would we! So salute those brave departed loved ones that died so that you could read this and I could write this without reprisal.
Now who is pounding at my door at this hour? OH NO, IT'S.............................
Now who is pounding at my door at this hour? OH NO, IT'S.............................
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
quick blurb to my blog
In response to a couple of emails asking if I'm going to post anything, yes, I will. And thank you for taking the time to write and especially for reading these humble postings. I've just overtaxed myself by working those stupid three and four jobs. When I get home, my ambition and drive is focused on sleep and little more. However, I am making progress out of the pit that I dug in the name of love and family and idealism. For now, thank you again. I didn't realize that anyone was really reading this.
Keep those cards and letters coming, Folks. That's motivation and inspiration for me to do better!!
Keep those cards and letters coming, Folks. That's motivation and inspiration for me to do better!!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
a reminder to myself about thinking
In 1668, Francesco Redi, an Italian physician, did an experiment with flies and wide-mouth jars containing meat. This was a true scientific experiment — many people say this was the first real experiment — containing the following elements
-Observation: There are flies around meat carcasses at the butcher shop.
-Question: Where do the flies come from? Does rotting meat turn into or produce the flies?
-Hypothesis: Rotten meat does not turn into flies. Only flies can make more flies.
-Prediction: If meat cannot turn into flies, rotting meat in a sealed (fly-proof) container should not produce flies or maggots.
-Testing: Wide-mouth jars each containing a piece of meat were subjected to several variations of “openness” while all other variables were kept the same.
control group — These jars of meat were set out without lids so the meat would be exposed to whatever it might be in the butcher shop.
experimental group(s) — One group of jars were sealed with lids, and another group of jars had gauze placed over them.
replication — Several jars were included in each group.
-Data: Presence or absence of flies and maggots observed in each jar was recorded. In the control group of jars, flies were seen entering the jars. Later, maggots, then more flies were seen on the meat. In the gauze-covered jars, no flies were seen in the jars, but were observed around and on the gauze, and later a few maggots were seen on the meat. In the sealed jars, no maggots or flies were ever seen on the meat.
-Conclusion(s): Only flies can make more flies. In the uncovered jars, flies entered and laid eggs on the meat. Maggots hatched from these eggs and grew into more adult flies. Adult flies laid eggs on the gauze on the gauze-covered jars. These eggs or the maggots from them dropped through the gauze onto the meat. In the sealed jars, no flies, maggots, nor eggs could enter, thus none were seen in those jars. Maggots arose only where flies were able to lay eggs. This experiment disproved the idea of spontaneous generation for larger organisms.
-Observation: There are flies around meat carcasses at the butcher shop.
-Question: Where do the flies come from? Does rotting meat turn into or produce the flies?
-Hypothesis: Rotten meat does not turn into flies. Only flies can make more flies.
-Prediction: If meat cannot turn into flies, rotting meat in a sealed (fly-proof) container should not produce flies or maggots.
-Testing: Wide-mouth jars each containing a piece of meat were subjected to several variations of “openness” while all other variables were kept the same.
control group — These jars of meat were set out without lids so the meat would be exposed to whatever it might be in the butcher shop.
experimental group(s) — One group of jars were sealed with lids, and another group of jars had gauze placed over them.
replication — Several jars were included in each group.
-Data: Presence or absence of flies and maggots observed in each jar was recorded. In the control group of jars, flies were seen entering the jars. Later, maggots, then more flies were seen on the meat. In the gauze-covered jars, no flies were seen in the jars, but were observed around and on the gauze, and later a few maggots were seen on the meat. In the sealed jars, no maggots or flies were ever seen on the meat.
-Conclusion(s): Only flies can make more flies. In the uncovered jars, flies entered and laid eggs on the meat. Maggots hatched from these eggs and grew into more adult flies. Adult flies laid eggs on the gauze on the gauze-covered jars. These eggs or the maggots from them dropped through the gauze onto the meat. In the sealed jars, no flies, maggots, nor eggs could enter, thus none were seen in those jars. Maggots arose only where flies were able to lay eggs. This experiment disproved the idea of spontaneous generation for larger organisms.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Do We Need Easter?
Ultimately, the purpose behind Jesus' death and resurrection is to get us into heaven. After all, for at least eight thousands years prior to Jesus, God wasn't able to come up another way. What happened to those souls in those dark years? Who knows. Only your God does. Besides, such a question is not of your concern --- if you want to blindly accept what Jesus and his heavenly father are offering.
Sorry, I have to ask.
Apparently, Moses' instituted rituals weren't good enough. Yes, 'believe and you will be saved' is much easier than sacrificing animals. Certainly, PETA members don't have to worry about having conflict of faith. Of course, 'to believe and accept' this universal offering means you have to hear about this offer. Two thousands after Jesus' actions and there are still parts of the world that haven't had this honor of learning about his offer. In fact, during that time, billions never got the chance. What happened to them? An answer would speak volumes about this god.
Forget about them. What about you and I? What kind of god demand this easy requirement for heaven? What if it's wrong? What about a "money-back guarantee"? Conveniently for "money back guaranteed" preachers, how would you collect?
In any case, there seems to be two main school of Christian. The first says that you must claim the blood of Jesus for redemption because of Adam's transgression against God. Sort of like having your great-great-great grandfather commit a murder and your just and mighty God is holding you accountable for it. Then Jesus fulfilled your prison sentence for that crime. You just have to know that he did so and then publically acknowledge support for Jesus.
Of course, how could any person claim to be just if they hold you responsible for someone's else crime?
The second school of thought doesn't deal with Adam's naughtiness. Instead the fault lies in ourselves --- we cannot hold a sight of God for it is too blinding, we can't hear a single sound from God without going completely deaf, we cannot be in God's presence for his goodness is perfect and we are not. We are on a level lower than our creator and Jesus' job is to be a ladder to get us into God' presence. We are just not good enough without Jesus. It's like having a first grader take a college math test and then be held responsible for the results. Again, this idea flies in the face of justice and it also questions the ability of a creator. What kind of person would make something less than perfect and then hold it accountable for perfection?
Sorry, I have to ask.
Apparently, Moses' instituted rituals weren't good enough. Yes, 'believe and you will be saved' is much easier than sacrificing animals. Certainly, PETA members don't have to worry about having conflict of faith. Of course, 'to believe and accept' this universal offering means you have to hear about this offer. Two thousands after Jesus' actions and there are still parts of the world that haven't had this honor of learning about his offer. In fact, during that time, billions never got the chance. What happened to them? An answer would speak volumes about this god.
Forget about them. What about you and I? What kind of god demand this easy requirement for heaven? What if it's wrong? What about a "money-back guarantee"? Conveniently for "money back guaranteed" preachers, how would you collect?
In any case, there seems to be two main school of Christian. The first says that you must claim the blood of Jesus for redemption because of Adam's transgression against God. Sort of like having your great-great-great grandfather commit a murder and your just and mighty God is holding you accountable for it. Then Jesus fulfilled your prison sentence for that crime. You just have to know that he did so and then publically acknowledge support for Jesus.
Of course, how could any person claim to be just if they hold you responsible for someone's else crime?
The second school of thought doesn't deal with Adam's naughtiness. Instead the fault lies in ourselves --- we cannot hold a sight of God for it is too blinding, we can't hear a single sound from God without going completely deaf, we cannot be in God's presence for his goodness is perfect and we are not. We are on a level lower than our creator and Jesus' job is to be a ladder to get us into God' presence. We are just not good enough without Jesus. It's like having a first grader take a college math test and then be held responsible for the results. Again, this idea flies in the face of justice and it also questions the ability of a creator. What kind of person would make something less than perfect and then hold it accountable for perfection?
Easter Story: the inconsistencies
To make a religion work, you have to fleece your flock so that they smile while you take of their lives and property. You simply get them to ignore the inconsistencies and relish the guilt. The christians have done a great job because, for two millennia, the new testament stories have been read and defended in spite of serious flaws. Of course, the danger lies in those thinkers among us, who point out the silliness and the fallacies.
In Matthew's gospel (28):
-Mary Magdalene and Mary went to the tomb
- An angel was there sitting on the stone that he had rolled away from sealing the tomb.
- The angel sends Mary and Mary to Galilee to the disciples.
- Along the way, Jesus appears to both Mary and Mary.
- The guards of the tomb were there in a great deal of shock --- "became as dead men". But after the angel and the Marys left, they were able to get back to town to report what they had seen.
In Mark's gospel (16):
- Mary Magdalene and Mary and Salome went to the tomb
- Inside the tomb, they found a young man sitting on the right,
- This man sent Mary and Mary to Galilee to the disciples.
- Jesus appears only to Mary Magdalene.
- No mention of guards.
In Luke (24):
- Four women went to tomb, these women being: "Mary Magdalene and Joanna and Mary the mother of James; also the other women with them"
- As they found the tomb empty, two men appeared near them
- These men send the women to Galilee
- Jesus appears to no one
- After hearing the women's story, Peter goes right away to the tomb
- no mention of guards
In John (20):
- Only Mary Magdalene goes to the tomb
- She finds the inside of the tomb completely empty: no angels either
- She immediately tells the disciple, three of which run to the tomb
- They leave the tomb with Mary remaining. As she looks inside, she now sees two angel sitting.
- Jesus appears behind her at the tomb
Certainly, this would make for an interesting CSI, Law & Order, (insert your favorite crime series here) episode. However, biggest fallacy is in the basis for these Easter stories and the topic of another entry.
In Matthew's gospel (28):
-Mary Magdalene and Mary went to the tomb
- An angel was there sitting on the stone that he had rolled away from sealing the tomb.
- The angel sends Mary and Mary to Galilee to the disciples.
- Along the way, Jesus appears to both Mary and Mary.
- The guards of the tomb were there in a great deal of shock --- "became as dead men". But after the angel and the Marys left, they were able to get back to town to report what they had seen.
In Mark's gospel (16):
- Mary Magdalene and Mary and Salome went to the tomb
- Inside the tomb, they found a young man sitting on the right,
- This man sent Mary and Mary to Galilee to the disciples.
- Jesus appears only to Mary Magdalene.
- No mention of guards.
In Luke (24):
- Four women went to tomb, these women being: "Mary Magdalene and Joanna and Mary the mother of James; also the other women with them"
- As they found the tomb empty, two men appeared near them
- These men send the women to Galilee
- Jesus appears to no one
- After hearing the women's story, Peter goes right away to the tomb
- no mention of guards
In John (20):
- Only Mary Magdalene goes to the tomb
- She finds the inside of the tomb completely empty: no angels either
- She immediately tells the disciple, three of which run to the tomb
- They leave the tomb with Mary remaining. As she looks inside, she now sees two angel sitting.
- Jesus appears behind her at the tomb
Certainly, this would make for an interesting CSI, Law & Order, (insert your favorite crime series here) episode. However, biggest fallacy is in the basis for these Easter stories and the topic of another entry.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
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